building our psychological strength

dear friend

sometimes
we find ourselves
asking

am I strong

this question
tends to come up

when
we are isolated

grieving

or facing serious threats
to our health

we look
at ourselves

and the situation
we are in

and we wonder

am I
strong enough

to come through
this

all around us

we see others
who are suffering
too

often way worse
than we are

we are shocked
and grieved

by the horrendous
cruelty

being inflicted
by sadistic bullies

upon thousands
of beautiful innocent
mothers fathers and children

in Ukraine

in the Middle East

and right here
in America

seeing
the terrible pain

our fellow
human beings
are experiencing

we cannot help
but ask

would I
be strong enough

to come through
that

we have our doubts

we don’t know
if we could
come through

such major
suffering

because
we are aware

of our
weaknesses

and yet

the fact
we acknowledge
our weaknesses

is in itself

a sign
of strength

it means
we realize
we are human

it means
we recognize
we are not all powerful

people with
no self doubt

are narcissistic
madmen

they are
driven

to put on
a phony show
of phony strength

they are
cruel bullies

often dangerous
always insufferable

courage

it takes courage
to ask
ourselves

am I
actually
strong

yet
by asking ourselves
this question

we open ourselves
to genuine growth

to building ourselves
into a strong person

rather than
pretending

we already
are

“but I have no strength”

if we think
we have no strength

it just means
the cruel bully

in our
own mind

—the sadistic part
that judges

attacks

and condemns us
and others—

has convinced us
of a bloody lie

nobody
has no strength

and no bully
inner or outer

can destroy
the strength
we have

unless
we surrender

and allow
them to

our strength
may be hidden

it may
be beaten down

it may not
have been heard from
in a while

but our strength
is always
in there

so instead
of denying

either
its existence

or its potential
to grow

we find it

restore it

and increase it

what kind of strength

there are many
kinds of strength

spiritual, moral,
physical, intellectual,
economic, political, military…

being an analyst
I see psychological strength

as the core
of all of them

but
what is
psychological strength

what is it
made of

how does it
work

the inner balance of power

we all
have a battle

going on
in our mind
every day

between
the constructive part
of our mind

(psychoanalysts
call it our ego)

and the destructive part
(the sadistic superego)

our ego
is focused on building
us up

the sadistic superego
(known in religion
as the devil)

is focused on
tearing us down

it sabotages
and attempts
to defeat

every forward move
our ego makes

our psychological strength
is evidenced

in the balance
of power

between
these two forces

putting it simply

one side
(my ego/
my best friend)

wants me
to have a happy
and successful life

the other side
(the sadistic superego/
my worst enemy)

wants me
to be miserable

defeated

and sooner I ather than later
dead

sorry to be blunt
dear friend

but that’s
the way it is

if you know
a drug addict

an alcoholic
or a person
with depression

and have watched
the life and death battle

between
the two sides
of their mind

you know
what I mean

if you yourself
have ever spent
any time

on the cutting edge
of doom

you know
only too well
what I mean

to fight for our lives

to survive and win
in this life

our ego must fight

it must fight
on two fronts
at once

it must defeat
the attacks
from within

being waged
against it

by the sadistic
internal bully

so it will have
the strength
to defeat

attacks
from sadistic
external bullies

a tall order
yes

requiring us
to not allow

the sadistic superego
to highjack
our energies

and turn them
against our ego

or against others
to ruin
our relationships

our most
effective strategy

to win
on both fronts

is to challenge
our own surrender

why do I allow
my inner enemy

to highjack my energy
and turn it against me

why do I allow myself
to be defeated

by attacks
from within
and from without

why do I surrender
to the attacks
of a pathetic bully

your current strength

if the two sides
of you

are in balance
as in the photo above

the war within you
is in a stand off

you are probably
doing ok

not fully
living

but not
about to croak
either

treading water

staying afloat

suffering and happiness
pain and pleasure
are about even

you’d give
your wellbeing a C
if you had to grade it

but when I work
with a person
in therapy

I challenge
their half existence

I seek
to mobilize them

I seek
to inspire them
to fight

and thus

to shift
their inner balance
of power

decisively in favor
of their ego

a strong ego
is healthy

the sick narcissist
who seems to have
“a big ego”

is only
pretending
to have one

how we get stronger

to build
our psychological strength

we take back
the energy

we unfortunately
made available

to the destructive
part of ourselves

and channel it
where it belongs

building our life

each time
we channel our energy
back into building

and resume
our original
constructive purposes

it’s a victory

our winning
campaign

is made of
one small victory
after another

in all
areas of our life

it’s the march
of the pawns

across the board
in chess

this is how
we take control
of our life back

from the sadistic side
that was defeating us

we challenge
ourselves

with the
toughest questions
we can stand

and show no mercy
to our masochistic
passivity

why do I want to lose

why do I want to surrender

why do I willingly
give my energies away

to my own worst enemy

the harder
we challenge ourselves

the less likely
we are

to surrender
to any bully

the one
in our mind

or the ones
in the world

why?

because our
challenging questions
expose

just how
absurd
it is

to side with
our own worst enemy

when we
could be siding
with our own best friend

Blessings,

Dr. Hall

e