Do we want to have a true friend?
Dear friend,
If we want to have a true friend
the best way to do that is to
become a person
that a good person
would love to have
for their true friend.
Do we know how to be a true friend?
If we have
or have had in the past
a long term partner,
we have likely learned.
But are we
at this point in our lives
being a true friend
to anyone other than our partner
or close family member?
What it takes
It takes a lot.
A lot of what?
A lot of soul.
It takes caring greatly
how this other person
is
was
and will be.
It takes deciding:
This person’s life matters deeply to me.
I actually want to know how they are!
I want to make them feel safe and welcome
to tell me
how they really are
— the good, the bad, and the ugly.
If they are suffering
I don’t run.
I come in closer.
And I stay right in close
until they have come through
whatever painful ordeal
is daunting their spirit.
I am also there
in their happy times.
I love hearing all about
their victories big or small.
I love to laugh joyfully with them!
I love to celebrate gleefully with them!
Only a few
It takes so much soul
to be a true friend
that most of us
can only do this
with a few carefully chosen people.
But those few souls are precious to us!
We are their forever friend
and they are ours.
We will never abandon each other
and we both know it.
What we gain
Learning to meet our friend’s needs…
Learning to stand by them and comfort them…
Learning to find and celebrate the best in them…
And becoming open to receive and treasure
the true friendship they give us in return…
all this builds us
into deeper and better human beings.
We become more capable of tenderness.
More capable of love.
We become better partners.
Better parents and grandparents.
Better citizens.
And it only takes becoming a true friend
to one person
(beyond the one we currently lean on for everything
—which is neither fair nor healthy, even if it’s mutual)
to begin a new and beautiful stage
of our inner growth.
Are you ready?
Look around your world
in person and online
and ask yourself:
Who would I love to have
for my true friend?
Think about it.
If you pray
pray about it.
I assure you
there is at least one good person
out there
in this big wide world
(they might even be right here in Solutions)
who would love to build
a mutually rewarding true friendship
with you.
Be brave
Go head and offer
to be their friend!
I predict
they will be delighted.
I got up the nerve
twice in the past two years
and joy is what I have received.
Blessings,
Dr. Hall
Question:
What would you find most challenging about making a new friend?
Friendship means opening yourself up and exposing your most vulnerable parts. That is difficult for those who have been hurt and manipulated in the past. I am always suspicious of people who say they have dozens of friends. I cannot wrap my mind around that. Two or three close friends is all I have ever had at one time. I believe in being courteous to everyone who will let me, but friendships are rare.
I have friends, but I’ve given up the idea of having a best friend. In my lifetime I’ve found that I’ve made a lot of false friendships. Too many so called friends use words like I love you, too freely, and that’s what they have become, just words. For me words have meaning, and so from most friendships have come hurt and disappointment. Now at the end of my life, this age group is most involved with family, grandchildren and even great grandchildren. I have made friends in this new place I’m living, but though I have no family, I’ve given up the idea of having a best friend. I don’t want to be hurt anymore. However, ever since young Jimmy the stray cat who has adopted me, came into my life, purring non stop, I guess I do have a true best friend!