How to solve a problem when the problem is you
Dear friend,
Let’s face it.
We all prefer problems
that are caused
by someone else.
Ones where
we are innocent.
That way
we can be
full of righteous indignation
and protest loudly
and proudly
against the egregious offender
while
smelling like a rose.
It’s the problems
we cause ourselves
that make us squirm.
Yuck.
I did it again!
we mutter.
Our repetitions
We all have our list
of things we just
keep on doing
over and over
long after
we are sick of it.
Maybe we are sick
of wasting our precious time
surfing the internet
reading the same news ten times
feeling worse each time
watching endless videos
watching reruns on TV
sleeping in.
Maybe we are sick
of being angry with others
trying to manage
control and fix them
making critical comments
to their face, behind their back,
or online
declaring our every opinion
the only Truth
and all others Incorrect.
Or maybe we are sick of
how we treat ourselves
feeding ourselves junk food
sitting on our rear all day
indulging in addictions
that we pretend are not
dressing like a nobody
criticizing ourselves
continuously.
The good news
The good news is
we have power.
We are not helpless.
If we are suffering
in any of these ways
we don’t have to just
passively accept it.
Whatever pathetic actions
we are sick of repeating
we have the power
to make the decision
to stop.
We have the power
to take the action
that makes sure we do.
Enough is enough
There comes a time
in everyone’s life
when we have had enough
of our own nonsense.
I have had enough of mine
many times.
You have probably
heard the phrase
“Physician, heal thyself.”
Well, that is exactly
what I have to do
when I get myself mired
in the self pity
of a stuck situation.
I have to give myself
a dose of my own medicine.
It’s like Buckley’s cough medicine
(“the taste we love to hate”)
in psychological form.
A highly unpleasant concoction
made of words.
One of my clients told me
that taking my medicine was
“like eating peanut butter
with ground glass in it.”
But the brave man took it
and made major progress
in his recovery.
A challenging question
I call a dose of my medicine
an interpretation.
It is an interpretation
of the cause of our suffering.
It comes in the form
of a question.
One brief question
custom-designed
to interpret our situation
and challenge us.
We write the question
on an index card
and read it first thing
in the morning
last thing
in the evening
and several times
in between.
We don’t have to
answer the question.
We just ask it.
What do we ask?
We ask why we want
to have this problem.
By asking why we want it
we are acknowledging
that on the unconscious level
we are attached to having it.
By asking why we want it
we expose our attachment.
We ruin the fun.
We ruin the masochistic fun
of having the problem.
Some people rebel here.
They accuse me of blaming them
for their problem.
Actually, I am doing
something entirely different.
I am not blaming.
I am explaining.
I am interpreting
the problem.
I am showing us
that by exposing our wish
and challenging it
we take away its power.
When exposed to the light
the pathetic wish
dies of its own absurdity.
Case example
OK.
So let me tell you about
one of the many times
I gave myself
my own medicine
to deal with a problem.
I keep notes
of these applications.
I have right here with me
a note dated December 5, 2019.
I remember the time well.
I was sleeping in
avoiding my work
laying around
doing nothing.
No actual reason.
Just in a good old
incapacitated funk.
This went on for six days.
Finally I had had enough
of my own BS.
I decided to create
a custom-made interpretation.
I did so
and gave myself
the full dose.
Here is the note I wrote afterward:
“Cured myself of 6 days of incapacity
by giving (mainlining) the interpretation:
“Why do I want to be a freaking failure
when I could be a successful doctor and writer?”
I gave this interpretation to myself
several times before I went to bed that night (Dec. 5)
then several times in the night,
and mainlined it some more in the morning—
and I was fine.
Had been very weak and slow all day
and during prior days.
But I had full strength and energy
all day on Dec. 6.”
I can tell you, dear friend,
that interpretation tasted terrible.
But I just kept swallowing it.
It spoiled my pity party
and I didn’t sleep in any more.
And I have been giving it
to challenge myself
every day since.
How to create an interpretation
Every interpretation begins:
“Why do I want…”
That’s because what we need to do
is challenge
our unconscious unhealthy wish.
Consciously
we all want to be happy.
Unfortunately
we humans have unconscious wishes
to the contrary.
Wishes to be hurt
and disappointed
to suffer
and feel sorry for ourselves.
Alas
we all know how
to play victim.
(Look around
and look back
and tell me this is not so.)
Our unconscious wish to suffer
sabotages our conscious efforts
toward happiness.
Most of us
are unaware of this
unconscious self sabotage.
I became aware of it
during my own psychoanalysis
and have spent many years
developing a method to deal with it
via giving myself interpretations.
The purpose of an interpretation
is to spoil our unconscious wish to suffer.
Through exposing
and challenging our unconscious wish
we ruin it.
Like stuffing a banana peel
down into the gas tank of a car
that wish just isn’t going
to operate the same any more.
So let’s get some practice
creating an interpretation
by solving the problem
of sleeping in.
How to stop sleeping in till noon
I realize for most of us
this is not a problem.
It is entirely impossible
for us to sleep in till noon!
Either the world won’t let us
or we can’t if we try.
But for others
with the opportunity and ability
it may become hard to resist.
Hitting the snooze button
may start off
as an occasional treat
but progress
to turning off the alarm daily
and sinking back into la-la land.
So…
what do we do
if it’s high time for us to stop
but we can’t muster the will
to pull ourselves out of the sack?
Sleeping in till noon
is a form of suffering
that is candy-coated
with self pity.
So we will have to spoil
our little fiesta.
We will have to
take the fun out of it
by showing ourselves
how pathetic we are being.
To do that we give ourselves
an interpretation like this:
“Why do I want to lie here
like a beached whale?”
If beached whale doesn’t do it
for us
we can create words
tailor made for us.
Some possibilities:
like a cadaver in a medical school
like an over-the-hill old geezer
like an Egyptian mummy
like the Loser of the Decade…
We brainstorm
till we find the perfect words.
The ideal phrase will make us say OUCH!!!
Maybe even make us tear up a little.
But ideally
it will also make us laugh.
The most effective interpretation
is tough and funny both.
Hardball
In conclusion
in case we want
to play hardball
and start dealing
with all our self sabotage
I suggest we give ourselves
the interpretation
that kicked my butt out of bed:
Why do I want to be a freaking failure?
then add the simple clincher:
Why do I want to be defeated?
This is all purpose medicine.
Covers a multitude of “sins.”
.
If you begin
giving these interpretations
to yourself
morning noon and night
you will feel yourself
begin to come out
of the stuck position
and begin to move ahead
in your life.
You will demonstrate
that this pathetic wish
is being defeated
–not you.
Self-sabotage, it’s enough to spoil a beautiful day.
Stand up for your right to exist!
Amazingly insightful. Oh to have had this available earlier in my life.