On feeling lousy

Dear friend,
What pills do you have
in your medicine cabinet?

Most of them
are likely
for physical ailments.

Headache
allergy
tummy trouble.

What if you are
feeling lousy
emotionally?

Ya got any pills
for that?

Unless you’re on meds
probably not.

So what do you
do about it

when you’re
feeling lousy?

Many people
reach for a drink
or a drug.

But that’s no solution.
Just makes things worse.

So what to do?

Depends which kind of lousy

There are many kinds
of feeling lousy.

But each one
is very different.

They have different causes

different remedies

and some
are more concerning
than others.

So…
the first thing to do
when we feel lousy

is ask ourselves:

Which kind of lousy
is this?

Three common kinds

I want to clarify
three common kinds
of feeling lousy

because these ones
are frequently confused
with each other.

Discouragement

Burnout

Depression

It can sometimes be hard
even for professionals
to differentiate them.

So it is good to gain
some basic awareness
of their characteristics

so you can consider
all three possibilities

when you are
feeling lousy.

Discouragement

Though it can be quite painful
discouragement is the least serious
of the three.

It also has the most potential
to be resolved quickly.

Discouragement
is loss of courage.

Loss of spirit
loss of confidence

when attempting
to accomplish an action.

Ask yourself:
”Is there a specific action
I am struggling to accomplish?”

If you are feeling lousy
from discouragement

your answer will come back
right away:

“It’s so damn hard to lose
these ten pounds!!!”

“I don’t know how I’m going
to pass this awful course!!!”

“I keep applying and applying for jobs
but still not a single interview!!!”

Discouragement is caused
by the struggle and frustration

of being unable
to accomplish a task.

As soon as you make headway
on that task
your discouragement begins to lift.

Remedies for discouragement
are straightforward:

encourage yourself
in ways that have
helped you before

pray

listen to music
that strengthens you

talk with
your partner or friend

ask for concrete assistance

change strategy
learn new skills
or work harder.

If the task itself
is over your head

you may have to
decide to let it go.

If any of these remedies work
you will have confirmed that

“Which lousy?”
was discouragement.

Burnout

Burnout looks and feels
much like discouragement.

But with burnout
you are not struggling
with one task.

You are collapsing
under the weight
of tons of tasks.

Over time you have been
taking on more and more.

You may be very competent
in all of them.

But you are overwhelmed
by their quantity

and by their
relentless intensity.

Though you don’t want
to acknowledge it

you are operating
beyond your limits.

You are
becoming exhausted

because you simply
do not have the energy
to cover all your bases.

If you ask yourself :
”What specific action
am I struggling to accomplish?”

You will laugh sardonically
and reply:

“Oh, just save the world!”

“Oh, just be CEO at 35!”

“Oh, just live 9 lives
all at the same time!”

Burnout is due
to being driven to accomplish
overly ambitious goals.

You may need assistance
to modify your goals

and to put them on
a more realistic timeline.

You can also team up
with allies

to make major accomplishments
more attainable.

Burnout can also be caused
by codependency.

If you are codependent
you place the needs of others
first, second and third.

Your exhaustion is due
to your self sacrifice.

You sacrifice your well being
for the well being of others.

You are addicted to helping
and you take the martyr role.

You will need professional help
to learn how to stop doing this

and how to begin putting
your own needs first.

Depression

Depression is a serious illness.

Diagnosing depression
must be done only
by a licensed professional.

I will simply describe
some warning signs
of depression

so you can recognize them
and see in what way

they are different
from discouragement or burnout.

The key to recognizing
signs of depression
is they are judgments.

Black and white
judgments of you

that you accept as true.

They come from
the sadistic part of your mind
and sound like this:

“What a stupid failure you are.”

“You will never succeed in life.”

“You are nothing but a fat ugly slob.”

“You will be forever alone.”

“You are useless and serve no purpose.”

If you are hearing
any such cruel judgements

you need to say:

“Oh.
This isn’t just discouragement.
This isn’t just burnout.

These are
self damaging attacks.

This has the potential
to get serious.

I am going
to get help now

and nip this thing
in the bud!”

You take action.

You share your feelings
with someone you trust

and ask them
to assist you to see a therapist.

In sum

Whenever you
start feeling lousy

be sure to ask yourself:

“Which kind of lousy
is this?”

Discouragement is about
losing confidence in your accomplishment.

Burnout is about
becoming drained and depleted.

Depression is about
surrendering to sadistic judgment.

By figuring out
which one
you see signs of

you will know
what to do.

Blessings,

Dr. Hall