on judging
dear friend
we all judge others
even though
we know we shouldn’t
we try to stop
but somehow
we just can't resist
judging is addictive
it makes us
feel superior
the fastest way
to get our daily fix
is to simply
go online
set loose
the sadistic part
of our mind
and arrogantly demolish
some inferior creature
it's our patriotic duty
to condemn
the ignorant
it’s our crusade
both sides love it
gives us a rush
and gets us
off the hook
every time
formula for judging
I
am not responsible
for whatever is
bad evil cruel
disgusting vile
bigoted prejudiced
destructive hurtful
disappointing erroneous
misguided and amiss
in this country
you are
i am blameless
my judgments
and my policy positions
are the correct ones
i am always right
moral and true
…of course
until i shift my view….
and then
my new judgments
and policy positions
are right
moral and true
how judgment works
unfortunately
we all have
a cruel inner judge
in our mind
scrutinizing
our every move
and continually
attacking
and condemning us
with distorted
exaggerated accusations
of failure
even when
we are doing well
we are never
good enough
according
to the inner tinpot
would-be dictator
we are
a hopeless
broken loser
our happiness and success in life
depends primarily
on how effectively
we defeats
these attacks
the person
who achieves
mature contentment
is a victorious fighter
for freedom
from
the inner judge
why is it so hard to stop judging others?
because we use
judging others
as our way
of deflecting judgment
away from
our self
it is our own
weaknesses and failures
that compel us
to judge
judging others
is how
we take
the heat off
our self
what riles us
most
in
another person
are often
our own flaws
we set loose
our inner attack dog
on those
who remind us
of our meanness
and
our weakness
we project
our own failings
on the other
on they
and on them
judging others
is our cowardly attempt
to evade
our own responsibility
for life and freedom
and deflect it
and onto those guilty
despicable deplorables
so we can pretend
that we ourselves
are paragons
of innocent honor
the more one judges the less one loves
Balzac
judging our self
prevents us
from loving our self
and
judging others
prevents us
from loving them
judging is destructive
no matter
who we aim it at
we need
to stop accepting
the cruelty
to our self
coming from
our inner judge
so we can be
strong free and able
to strengthen
others
to stop accepting
or deflecting
the cruelty
coming at them
from their inner judge
many lifelong friendships end
because we judge
our friend
wrong
and
our self
right
we self righteously
cut this friend
off
and destroy
all possibility
of reconnection
we build no bridge
no off ramp
no way
for either side
to save face
move back
from the brink
find common ground
and resume
our friendship
when we focus entirely
on what we consider
is wrong
in another person
all we do
is cause
our relationship
with this person
to wither
and die
and
the health
of our own
generous personality
and spirit
to deteriorate
judging others
is a path
that leads
no where
but
to bitterness
and isolation
we get smaller
and smaller
the more
we cling
to our supposed
superiority
and the longer
we nurse
our long list
of resentments
this other person
feels
our deep disdain
and contempt
for them
and
has less and less
motivation
to ever
reconsider
any
of the ideas
we despise
or ever
relate
in an open
and friendly way
with us again
over time
we may allow
our self
to change
or moderate
our views
as we gain
new insight
we may allow
our self
to one day
come to recognize
that some
of our views
were short sighted
and incomplete
misinterpretations
of others’ intentions
but we give
the other person
—this disappointing
ignoramus
we have judged
to be
hopelessly broken—
no such opportunity
grace is for us
not for them
there is a way out
of the self defeating
and futile trap
of judgment
but it requires us
to develop
an entirely different motive
instead of looking
for what is
wrong and mistaken
in this
other person
we seek first
to understand
their perspective
and comprehend why
they perceive the world
the way they do
then we search
for what is
right and true
constructive
and valid
inside them
that we can
reunite with
if we are
so arrogant
and oblivious
that we
actually believe
there is nothing
right and true
in this person
then we are
miserably blind
and grievously
judgmental
our new spirit
instead of being judgers
we become seekers
we seek
to understand
this fellow american
who sees life and issues
through a lens
different from ours
we respect them
and view them
as our equal
even though
we strongly disagree
in many ways
rather than
debate and
disparage them
we listen
to their longings
we care
about who they are
as human beings
and we care about
the experiences
that have shaped
their perspective
even if this person
remains blind
to us
even if
they are oblivious
to the good in us
even if
they disdain
and dismiss us
just as much
as we
have continuously
been disdaining
and dismissing them
someone has to stop judging first
someone has to lead
we show the way
by in our hearts
forgiving them
their weaknesses
and their
judging mind
as we hope
to be forgiven ours
we show the way
by in our hearts
forgiving them
their arrogant views
that we find
offensive
as we hope
to be forgiven
our arrogant views
that they find
offensive
we both hold
some
of the truth
and neither
of us
holds
all
of the truth
so let us be big enough
and humble enough
to ask
this other
so called
ignorant person
to teach us
something
we don’t know
in an area
close to their heart
so we
can begin
to hear
the insights
this other person
has
who
thinks differently
than we do
by hearing them
and learning
from them
we open
the path
to them hearing us
and learning
from us as well
thus
we both grow
and achieve
new awareness
it will initially
be just as hard
for us
to simply listen
and understand
as it will
be for them
to simply listen
and understand
but hear me
my friend
both sides
of our beloved country
need each other
we need to become
each other’s teacher
so we can be
our brother’s keeper
boundaries
yes there are a few
truly destructive people
that we
cannot fraternize with
but we don’t need
to judge them
to be safe
from them
we need
to recognize
they are
serious trouble
and take
constructive action
to protect our self
and prevent
that person
from harming us
judging is the opposite
of taking constructive action
judging is passively hiding
in pretended strength
judging is passively hiding
in pretended superiority
judging protects
no one
even with those
we are able
to draw closer to
as human beings
we will still need
to maintain
our boundaries
to prevent
the ill side
of the other person
from
harming us
and they will need
to keep
their boundaries
to prevent
the ill side
of us
from
harming them
of course
like every other
person on earth
we love
to believe
there is no ill
judgmental destructive
side in us
that they
would ever need
to be protected from
alas
we both need
to be protected
from each other’s
delusions of superiority
paranoia
political extremism
religious extremism
depression
personality disorders
addictions
fear
and rage
we place the boundary
exactly
where it needs
to be
with
each individual
and
once we do this
we let go
of our anger
every human being
in the world
is damaged
incapacitated
and ill
in one
or more ways
including us
we must forgive
our self
and
this other person
for what is wrong
with us
and with them
please remember
this other person
did not
consciously choose
to become
unhealthy
any more
than you and i
ever did
any choice
any of us
ever made
to embrace
and surrender
to illness
mental physical
spiritual political
such as
to fall victim
to destructive
propaganda
and join
a cult
was made
at an
unconscious level
fortunately
some of these
tragic decisions
can be reversed
if you want
to learn
how to open a door
listen to
this gentle doctor
who was himself
deprogrammed
but meanwhile
let us remember
that not one
of us
is superior
to a person
who is ill
every one
of us
is ill
in some way
on some level
having mercy
on our self
is what
allows us
to have mercy
on others
the biblical command
judge not
that ye be not judged
has as its
psychological counterpart:
judge your self not
so that
ye judge not others
it takes
healthy ego strength
and a deep belief
in our own goodness
to be merciful
in both directions
to shut down the judge
we stop listening
instead of being
intimidated
we laugh
at all the pathetic lies
being thrown
at us
are you done yet???
we inquire
the inner judge
just like
the outer ones
has no power over us
unless we surrender
to stop judging
we courageously
challenge
our passivity
why am i being
so passive?
why do i even listen
to these cruel attacks
from the sadistic part
of my mind?
why do i take
the cowardly path
of identifying
with this inner tyrant
and turning
its judgmental attacks
out upon others?
why don’t I shut down
all its cruelty
in both directions
and lead
the constructive life
of a builder?
why don’t i summon
the love
the courage
the compassion
and the forgiveness
to seek and find
the best in my self
and others?
we defeat judging with unconditional love
we give our self
and the other person
love
and mercy
and kindness
we find and cherish
the best
in both of us
we find the gold
we take hold of it
and we don’t let go
Much wisdom here. At this point in my life, unless it directly impacts me, I dont judge. I have my hands full with myself.
"The more we judge, the less we love." - Khalil Gibran
Ourselves, and others. ✌️