Self respect--lost and found
Dear friend,
Losing
our self respect
is one
of the most painful
things there is.
When we lose
our self respect
we can’t
hold our head up
anymore.
We don’t feel proud
of ourselves.
We no longer
feel worthy.
I lost mine
at 16.
My family
had fallen apart
and I had
left home.
It was a disaster.
My ego
was then decimated
by ten years
of loss and trauma.
It took years
of intensive
psychoanalytic therapy
to rebuild
my ego strength
and self respect.
I succeeded
in doing this
while embarking
on my education
to become
a psychoanalyst
myself.
What we have learned
No doubt
we all know someone
who lost
their self respect.
How did they
lose it?
What effect
did their loss
have on their lives?
Did they ever
get it back?
What about you?
If you ever lost
your self respect
did you manage
to rebuild it?
How?
If anyone
would care
to share
what you have learned
about self respect
we can all gain insight
from each other.
Blessings,
Dr. Hall
I spent much of my life with a person who eroded my self image daily. NPD and schizoeffective. He could only feel secure by degrading those around him. As a child i desperately wanted to please but nothing was ever good enough. I would never be as good as he was at my age. He manipulated by constantly changing the rules and moving the goal posts. I wasn't trying hard enough. I was fat and out of shape. I was lazy.... When I passed the bar exam (law school was to please him and be what he could have been if he hadn't sacrificed or been held back ect.) he told everyone how he had "pretty well gone through law school with me". Daily hour long phone calls right at meal time that were monologs about his sacrifice for me, how hard his life had been, how I wasn't achieving as much career wise as I could be.... When I was engaged and married the calls continued. Always right at meal time. He never came to family events we invited him to wanting us to come to him. Soulmate would not be cowed or bullied. When I cut off all communication the fog cleared and I found myself. Some people die alone because they have spent a lifetime destroying relationships with those close to them. So it was with him. Today would have been his birthday. Ironic.
I thought about a mentor of mine who in his 80s has had a series of significant financial setbacks. My "job" as his friend is to remind him constantly that all the good he's done has not been erased. That he's still the same terrific person.