How can I be strong when facing a health scare?
Dear friend,
Chances are that at some point in your life
you will face a health scare.
It may turn out that you don’t
have a serious health problem.
But the scare itself is seriously painful.
Maybe you have already been through this.
Maybe you already know what keeps you strong.
But if you want further ideas
I have some to offer.
I want you to be able to face
any future health concern
whether or not it turns out to be
a serious diagnosis.
Will you let me be your ally?
Sudden shock
About ten years ago,
my tummy suddenly erupted
in large red areas of ugly blistering.
It quickly spread across my abdomen
moving upward and downward from there.
It took over my whole body.
It looked horrible!
I was so scared.
What could this be???
I frantically researched online.
I found a description with photos
that showed exactly the same symptoms
I was experiencing.
Beginning exactly where mine began.
Spreading in the same directions.
Moving fast just like mine.
It was a specific form of lymphoma of the skin.
A very fast developing cancer.
Quickly fatal.
My God.
I’m going to die.
I was stone cold terrified.
Deep sadness filled me.
I would not fulfill my dreams for my life.
Even worse was realizing
I would have to tell my two children.
“I have to be brave.
I have to be brave for them,”
was all I could think.
I made an appointment to see my doctor.
In the days before the appointment
I just tried to survive emotionally.
What saved me
What actually saved me was a song.
The song I had always loved most
and lived by.
Forever Young by Bob Dylan.
Two lines of it:
May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
I mainlined those two lines like a drug.
Said them over and over, continuously.
They strengthened me
to get through the days
before I could see my doctor.
Here are the full lyrics of Forever Young,
in case they may strengthen you one day.
And here are the vocals:
In the examining room
the doctor had me stand up
so he could inspect the ugly red blisters
now covering much of my body.
When he finished
he looked me in the eyes
and declared:
“That’s not cancer.”
My eyes went wide.
“That’s shingles.”
I was so stunned
my knees went weak
and I had to sit down.
“Really?” I stammered.
“Yes.
Don’t worry.
It’ll go away on its own.
I can see it’s already on its way out.
Your immune system is very strong.
It’s kicking it very fast.”
Tears flowed down my face.
We talked a while.
I thanked him
and drove home,
to life.
What about you?
But what about you and your life?
If you were suddenly face to face
with a serious diagnosis
what would give you strength?
Whether you were for sure — or probably — going to die
or you were for sure — or probably — going to live
or you were somewhere
in the unknowable in between?
Here are five paths
you can take
that will strengthen you.
One: Emotional Honesty
Being strong begins with facing the truth.
You must face the reality of your situation.
And face how you feel about it.
How you actually feel about it.
Not how you have been pretending to feel.
You have likely been walking around
for days or weeks or months
hiding your fear, your anger and your pain
from yourself
and from others.
It’s time to get real.
Here’s what you do:
Pack up a little food
and some water, coffee or other comforting drink
(no alcohol — it’s not your friend,
and will only make things worse)
and a box of Kleenex
and drive to a private and safe place
that you love.
A place that holds you
such as a nice park by a lake.
Just pull up and park.
Sit there for a while
taking in the beauty.
When you are ready
ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
What are my fears?
Then just let yourself talk out loud.
Allow yourself to experience and express
all the emotions inside you.
Your fear, terror, dread
your shock, anger, rage
your pain, disappointment, agony
your sorrow, grief, despair.
Allow yourself to cry if you feel like it.
Feel no shame in doing so.
It is healthy for us to cry when we suffer.
Speak your soul’s truth out loud
till there is nothing more inside
that has not been said.
Two: Confident Counterattack
You have had the courage
to face your diagnosis and grieve.
This has given you some clarity
and some relief.
Now it is time to be bold
and go on offense.
It is time to challenge yourself.
Ask yourself:
“Why am I letting this diagnosis destroy my happiness?
Why am I letting it ruin my life?
Declare:
I’m stronger than this.
I am deciding that I am going to be fine
no matter what happens.
My happiness is not available to be ruined.
My dream is unavailable to be destroyed.
No disease will ever define or diminish who I am.
Three: Relationship
Ideally, you have someone in your life you trust.
A close friend or partner, family member,
minister, rabbi, imam or therapist
with whom you can be totally transparent.
Someone who will give you compassionate
understanding and support.
If you have no one,
talk with yourself.
Tell yourself
the comforting and reassuring words
you wish someone would say to you.
Write yourself the notes
you wish someone were writing
to you right now.
And read them often.
That is, be your own best friend.
And if you have a cat or a dog
to be your friend, too,
all the better.
Four: Music
Music is one of the greatest comforts
in the world.
Keep your favorite music close at hand
so you can turn to it
when you are hurting and scared.
Live concerts are the best
but when you can’t go in person
live videos like this one of Peter Gabriel
will lift you up:
Singing your favorite songs yourself
gets them deep inside your soul
so they are there to draw upon
any time you need them.
Five: Faith
If you are a believer,
you know you are never alone.
Ask God for what you need.
Pray that all pain and suffering and grief
will leave your body and your mind.
Ask to remain free
and joyful as ever
regardless of any diagnosis.
What comforts me the most when I’m scared
is believing I am right where I belong
doing the work the Lord wants me to do.
If you do not believe in God,
be thankful to Nature that you are alive.
Be thankful you get
to take care of this beautiful world
for as long as you can!
Be grateful you are a builder
who finds joy
in loving yourself and others.
So there you have it
Five ways you can strengthen yourself
to face a serious diagnosis.
I think you will find these paths
are also effective
in building yourself
in other domains of your life.
Blessings,
Dr. Hall
Question:
What have you found that strengthened you to face a health scare?
In 2014 I was told that I had, at most, 5 yrs. to live. I'm now almost 5 yrs. past my experiation date. Drs. are just guessing and trying to keep you as a permanent patient. I never went back that dr. At first I thought; is there anything that I haven't done that I want to do before I die? There wasn't. I made out my will and figured they'd be nothing much left to leave. I didn't tell anyone except my wife about the prognoses and went about living the rest of my life. I've lived long enough and did everything I wanted to do and at 85 whenever the end comes will be ok. If the diagnoses would have come at say, age 50, I may have had a different response. I don't know.
Thank you so much for sharing your own scare. Many years ago I did have a life and death scare. It started with a cough at every breath taken. An x-ray revealed a tumor and an operation was scheduled for some time in January. Our holidays were totally ruined worrying about the upcoming operation. I also belonged to a ladies club that was going to have a Valentine Ball. I had also been chosen to represent the chapter as their Princess. The doctor told me that recovery would be long and I wouldn’t be able to attend the event. Well, the tumor turned out to be benign, and I hung my beautiful special gown on the door of my bedroom, so that I could see it every morning, instilling the idea that I would wear it and go to the Ball! Not only did I go, but I was randomly chosen to be the Queen of the Ball!! Lessons learned: Don’t let worrying about the unknown future spoil the present. The other lesson learned was that the doctors don’t know everything, and that the mind is a powerful force!