How can I have a happier life beginning now?

Dear friend,i

I love our Declaration of Independence, where Thomas Jefferson boldly declares:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal,
that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights,
that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

Yes, Happiness!
Our Founders wanted us to be happy!

They wanted it so bad they led us to break free
from servitude under the King of England.

It took winning a war.
Our Founders risked and sacrificed their lives
so we could begin establishing freedom throughout our society.

We have come a long ways since then,
and we still have a long ways to go.

But the basic principles and ideals in the Declaration and in our Constitution
give us the powerful structure upon which we can build
ever higher levels of freedom for all our citizens.

And as we work hard to do this together, let us pursue our happiness!

But how – you ask?

How can I actually have a happier life—beginning right now?

The happy builder

Look around at people who are genuinely happy.
They all have something in common.

Like our Founders, they are builders!

A builder is a constructive individual.

A builder makes positive things happen, for himself and for others.

A builder is happy because he sees himself making a difference in this world!

He is part of creating something good.

Even if it is tiny, it is good!

He is building life, and building life is what makes a person happy.

It also attracts good people who want to build life with him.

So,

a very effective path to make yourself happier is to become a builder.

How to begin

How do I begin to become a builder?

Or if I already am a builder, how do I become a stronger one?

How can I connect in a more constructive manner with others?

Let me offer a powerful way to start right now
with just a question.

One challenging question to ask yourself
at any hour of day or night
about any aspect of your life.

The question is simple but profound.
You may wonder why I am making such a big deal
about such a simple question.

But have a little faith in me here…

I assure you that if you will actually ASK this question of yourself
…often…every day…
in the real life situations you are in the midst of…
you will begin to see its value.

You will see the immediate positive impact of asking it.

So, here we go…

The Question

Next time you are about to do something (anything)
simply gently ask yourself:

Am I building or am I using?

Hmmm…

What does this mean?

It means you ask yourself:

Which one is my motive: building or using?
Which one is the deep down reason why I am doing this particular thing?

In every interaction with another human being
you are doing one of these two things:

You are either building with that person or you are using them.

What do I mean by using?

To use someone is to interact with them for your own gain or pleasure. Period.

You are taking.

You are taking without giving them anything in return.
You aren’t giving them something that contributes to their day,
their growth, their life, their happiness.

You are building nothing with them.

They have simply been used for your own benefit
and you just carry on after your interaction.

I realize you may be feeling a bit insulted at this point.
You may be thinking: “What??? I don’t use people !!!”

You may sincerely believe that you almost always build.

But if you are willing to look into it more deeply,
you may be surprised to discover
that you are using others more than you realize.

Even some of the people you love the most.

…….

OUCH !!!

It will be painful if you come to the recognition
that yes, in some area you are using people.

I’m sorry for the pain you feel when you realize that
but it can’t be avoided if you want to become more of a builder.

Facing this will open you to a better way to relate.

So let’s do this together

To get us started, let me offer you a simple example
of where most of us may be using others
but in a relatively harmless way.

I will illustrate how we can make the move from using to building.

It comes from a shift in your perspective.

I want you to get inside this.
Get the feel of it in your own soul.

As you will see, to move from being a user to being a builder
takes awareness and it takes love.

A simple beginning

Next time you go to a store (Walmart, McDonald’s, wherever),
before you walk up to the counter where the clerk is standing,
ask yourself The Question:

Am I building or am I using?

If you are using the clerk, you won’t show any genuine recognition
that they are a human being.

You will hardly notice them,
except whether they are working fast or slow.

You will treat them as if they are a robot.

Your automatic blank-faced “Thanks” at the end,
though better than nothing, is meaningless.

You have used them. Period.
You walk away with your bag of stuff.

Yes, we have all done this.
Many of us for years.

You may already have thought about it, and changed your ways.
But if this scene is still a familiar one,
what could you do differently today,
as a builder with awareness and a heart full of love?

How could you show recognition of this person,
and honor your common humanity?

Well, when you walk up to them you could smile,
look them in the eyes, and say “Hi Rick” or “Hi Sherry.”
Most service workers wear name tags.

You could ask: “How’s it going today?”
and actually care.

You could listen for how they are really feeling,
and respond genuinely to what they tell you.

You could even conclude with:
“Thank you for your hard work.
I appreciate that I can come here to (Walmart, etc.) and get what I need.
You’re doing a great job.”

They will light up the way you would, if someone said that to you.

Making a difference

So…what have you done here?

You have built a positive connection

and created an encouraging experience

with a hard working person who is accustomed to being used.

Was that so hard?

No.
And it only took you a few minutes.

Did you make a positive difference in this person’s life today?
Yes.

And did it make you happy to do that?
I bet it did.

Taking inventory

Now that you have felt the benefit
I encourage you to begin asking The Question in your day to day life.

Maybe start by taking a little inventory:

How might the question: Am I building or am I using?
apply to your relationship with your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend?

In what ways might you be using him or her, without realizing it?

Are you using your parents,
feeling entitled to receive your every need,
or are you giving back to them in gratitude for their care?

Are you using your children to achieve your goals for them
—to accomplish successes that will impress others—
so you can brag about them and bask in reflected glory,
or are you building your children to pursue their own dreams
even if they bring no social prestige nor higher status to you?

Are you using your employer only for your own career progress and monetary gain,
or are you being a builder who is contributing to the organization you work for?

Are you using your community, your country, your environment
without gratitude or care or shared commitment
or are you a builder who is participating and serving
and giving your best to our world?

The beautiful outcome

The beautiful thing is:

any time you decide—on any of these levels–-to build instead of use,
you will become happier.

You will know you are becoming a happy builder of life.

Blessings,

Dr. Hall

Question:

Do my ideas on building open a way to see your relationships in a new light?