Dear friend,i I love our Declaration of Independence, where Thomas Jefferson boldly declares: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
I am about to send out my latest letter. And as I reviewed it, I laughed - remembering that I had discussed with you "length". Well my latest is wicked long! So please, if you read it, know that I have received your "touche" in advance :)
Regardless, I just took the time to re-read this beautiful piece that you wrote. I realize that I can be a better builder. But wow. You really encapsulated the way I have conducted my business and personal life. I always responded to every voice mail message. I always responded to anyone who applied for a job with a thank you. I notified vendors and contractors that I had not chosen them - with a thanks. As one who grows a lot of food, it felt natural to cultivate good will. Even if it never meant a future profit it really felt "right"!
There is a way to conduct ourselves with the courtesies and "build ups" that you describe that creates a healthy self and plants the seeds for future good relations. The current "transactional" nature of some politicians seems to be the very antithesis of your approach.
I think if everyone recognized the Golden Rule and accepted the idea of Karma, the world would function much more smoothly. But "what have you done for me lately" seems to be in fashion...for now.
This edition of "Solutions" is powerful, important and emotionally reinforcing. Thank you.
Thank you for a clearly written way for all of us to follow if we wish to be able to look in the mirror and feel good about the person we see.
For those realizing that they need to start building, the easiest first step is to just smile at a passing stranger or better yet say good morning with a smile.
The Declaration of Independence was a press release addressed to the population of the colonies, parliament, France, and the world. The signers were committing treason and wanted the world to know why. When they pledged their "lives, fortunes, and sacred honor" they were not being dramatic. They risked being hanged, having their property forfeited, and their family name ruined. They put it all on the line. Jefferson originally wrote "life, liberty, and property " Franklin edited it to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness ". A profound thought. No guarantee of happiness, but you can pursue it. Its on you.
This week your column tells us a way to pursue happiness. By showing compassion to our fellow humans. To let them know that they matter to us. To let them know that we SEE them. Red Green, a character on a Canadian sitcom, always closed the show with "I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together. " Your words emphasize that point. Ultimately all we have is each other. Here is something you can do for the people you interact with, like the checker you mentioned. When someone puts in extra effort to help you, go to their manager and say " Sherry really went out of her way to help me today. She made coming here a positive experience." Think about how that will make the manager feel. If you would go to a manager to complain about poor service, isn't only right that you tell them about good service? Small things can make a person's life better for a little while at least. You are correct. We may not be able to be big builders and change the world, but we can build small things that change tiny pieces of it. Great column.
You’ve blessed me again with raising my self esteem by realizing that I am a builder already. I’ve been a giver, taking great pleasure in helping others. I’ve even been scammed, used and abused, but I’ve never regretted doing the right thing. Doing wrong is on the other person’s conscience. Thank you again for raising me up, when others have tried to pull me down. In coming to the end of my life, I realize that I have achieved my goal, and will continue to do so with my last breath, to make a difference in someone’s life, and to contribute to making this a better world. Thank you Dr. Hall for your inspiring words, once again.
Deborah, I cannot tell you how many times I've broached this subject over the past four years ... privately, within myself, and in my writing.
Your question has manifested in different forms within me. But at their core I've asked myself the same thing with the intention to build the same result. Here are two examples of what I mean ...
Thanks Deborah for this. As I've become older, I've become better at building, but your essay is a great reminder that I still have a lot of room for improvement.
The past couple of days I've been thinking about my motivation for the things and jobs I have done in my life, and every good thing that came to me was because I helped someone else. A couple of days ago, someone whom I hadn't seen since 1983 sent me a note thanking me for how I helped him in his musical and life journey. I had no idea how I had done that, so I asked him, and he said, by encourging him to be himself and not trying to conform to someone else's standards. I have no recollection of doing that and it caused me to think about what I said in the first sentence. From my tie as a mental health counselor, to becoming a licensed massage therapist, to being a musical accompanist, it was always as someone who supported others, and doing so, even if I wasn't aware of it, made me feel good. Thank you for your, in my life, timely message.
Really excellent post.
The DoI is proof of this entire post, of the psychology behind it, and above all, of the usefulness of it.
Hi Doc,
I am about to send out my latest letter. And as I reviewed it, I laughed - remembering that I had discussed with you "length". Well my latest is wicked long! So please, if you read it, know that I have received your "touche" in advance :)
Regardless, I just took the time to re-read this beautiful piece that you wrote. I realize that I can be a better builder. But wow. You really encapsulated the way I have conducted my business and personal life. I always responded to every voice mail message. I always responded to anyone who applied for a job with a thank you. I notified vendors and contractors that I had not chosen them - with a thanks. As one who grows a lot of food, it felt natural to cultivate good will. Even if it never meant a future profit it really felt "right"!
There is a way to conduct ourselves with the courtesies and "build ups" that you describe that creates a healthy self and plants the seeds for future good relations. The current "transactional" nature of some politicians seems to be the very antithesis of your approach.
I think if everyone recognized the Golden Rule and accepted the idea of Karma, the world would function much more smoothly. But "what have you done for me lately" seems to be in fashion...for now.
This edition of "Solutions" is powerful, important and emotionally reinforcing. Thank you.
More please :)
Bill,
I am SO happy you found my letter important emotionally.
I am grateful for how much of yourself
you give me in your communications.
I can see it is who you are, and as you say
it is who you have always been.
I am laughing, Bill, because
since our exchange about length
haha we have traded places!
You wrote long...
and I wrote short !!!
That is too funny:)
I'm guessing the ideal
is to be a change up pitcher
going only as long
as each piece needs
Dr. Deb. I thought you knew I like/respect you. If there's cause for concern on your part, I'd like to iron it out... just not in the public arena.
O my, I surely do know you like and respect me.
And it's entirely mutual.
You and I are on solid ground
and I have no concern whatsoever.
Ours is a great dialogue
and I look forward to continuing
to learn from you.
Matt was concerned.
Thank you for a clearly written way for all of us to follow if we wish to be able to look in the mirror and feel good about the person we see.
For those realizing that they need to start building, the easiest first step is to just smile at a passing stranger or better yet say good morning with a smile.
Ah, how beautiful!
Yes, I see, Steven!
You have offered us the FIRST step
where we ALL can begin.
Thank you so much
for giving us the beginning
of the journey across the bridge
A very positive piece today—from an eternally positive person! Let the seed of willingness to pursue happiness germinate in all of us.
"the seed of willingness"
what a lovely poetic expression
of the inner life-giving touch
you nurture in your poems, Perry
may we all receive it
yours are prose poems
I realize when I go back to them
The Declaration of Independence was a press release addressed to the population of the colonies, parliament, France, and the world. The signers were committing treason and wanted the world to know why. When they pledged their "lives, fortunes, and sacred honor" they were not being dramatic. They risked being hanged, having their property forfeited, and their family name ruined. They put it all on the line. Jefferson originally wrote "life, liberty, and property " Franklin edited it to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness ". A profound thought. No guarantee of happiness, but you can pursue it. Its on you.
This week your column tells us a way to pursue happiness. By showing compassion to our fellow humans. To let them know that they matter to us. To let them know that we SEE them. Red Green, a character on a Canadian sitcom, always closed the show with "I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together. " Your words emphasize that point. Ultimately all we have is each other. Here is something you can do for the people you interact with, like the checker you mentioned. When someone puts in extra effort to help you, go to their manager and say " Sherry really went out of her way to help me today. She made coming here a positive experience." Think about how that will make the manager feel. If you would go to a manager to complain about poor service, isn't only right that you tell them about good service? Small things can make a person's life better for a little while at least. You are correct. We may not be able to be big builders and change the world, but we can build small things that change tiny pieces of it. Great column.
Fred,
I will read and re- read your strong and insightful response to my letter.
Thank you for taking the time and thought to write it.
I did not know Franklin added "happiness"
And that is a great idea for what further
we can do to recognize and affirm
a person who has served us!
Another way we can build life.
Thank you.
Bless you for being there for others. That’s how you are a strong builder!
Thank you, Joanne
I love when people let me
You’ve blessed me again with raising my self esteem by realizing that I am a builder already. I’ve been a giver, taking great pleasure in helping others. I’ve even been scammed, used and abused, but I’ve never regretted doing the right thing. Doing wrong is on the other person’s conscience. Thank you again for raising me up, when others have tried to pull me down. In coming to the end of my life, I realize that I have achieved my goal, and will continue to do so with my last breath, to make a difference in someone’s life, and to contribute to making this a better world. Thank you Dr. Hall for your inspiring words, once again.
your words move me to tears, Joanne
this is the joy of living!
I rejoice that you are living
brave and free and proud and good
I rejoice that you
have achieved your life goal
and will continue fulfilling it
unto your last breath
You defeat death every day, Joanne
When it comes
many good years from now
it shall
have no victory
Deborah, I cannot tell you how many times I've broached this subject over the past four years ... privately, within myself, and in my writing.
Your question has manifested in different forms within me. But at their core I've asked myself the same thing with the intention to build the same result. Here are two examples of what I mean ...
"Celebrate the small victories" ...https://jimgeschke.substack.com/p/celebrate-the-small-victories
Lesson; Life is a treasury of all things great and small.
"Random Acts of Kindness" ...https://jimgeschke.substack.com/p/random-acts-of-kindness
Lesson: Become the 'Better Angels of our Nature.'
Thanks for this reminder. I'll keep it with me.
Jim,
I can see from your profound posts
how much deep thought you have given to the question we are exploring here.
Yes, we are seeking to become kind!
Aware, grateful, and KIND as builders
with each other and with the world.
Thank you all the devoted growing
you have done in the past four years
that brings you forward so full of life.
Thanks Deborah for this. As I've become older, I've become better at building, but your essay is a great reminder that I still have a lot of room for improvement.
You are very welcome, David.
We all have a lot of room for improvement
(I did my best to say that gently :)
I greatly respect that you seek to grow
as a builder.
So do I, and I look forward to continuing
to learn from you.
Simply written and clearly presented. I always tell people you can build a house or tear it down, ask yourself, “Where do you want to sleep?”.
Where do you want to sleep.
How profound.
I am stunned by the power
of your question, Stanley.
It is your gift
to render a dimension of life
into its essence.
We who read you
see more clearly
once we see
the essence
you offer us
You are very kind to say that!
The past couple of days I've been thinking about my motivation for the things and jobs I have done in my life, and every good thing that came to me was because I helped someone else. A couple of days ago, someone whom I hadn't seen since 1983 sent me a note thanking me for how I helped him in his musical and life journey. I had no idea how I had done that, so I asked him, and he said, by encourging him to be himself and not trying to conform to someone else's standards. I have no recollection of doing that and it caused me to think about what I said in the first sentence. From my tie as a mental health counselor, to becoming a licensed massage therapist, to being a musical accompanist, it was always as someone who supported others, and doing so, even if I wasn't aware of it, made me feel good. Thank you for your, in my life, timely message.
Herr,
What a powerful experience it must have been to receive that thank you note
about what you did 40 years ago!
How beautiful of him to write it!
Great that you asked him HOW you had helped him without realizing it.
Your story is a powerful allegory
of the potential (often unknowing) impact we can have in each other's lives.
How fascinating that you have been
thinking about your motivation
during the different stages of your life.
It is beautiful that you have always
been seeking to support others
and that this makes you feel good.
You must have laughed to find
in your inbox this morning
my letter on this very topic :)
You must have laughed to find in your inbox this morning my letter on this very topic :
Yes, that why I commented.
A Jungian moment. I've had several of those.