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Fred Basset's avatar

You raise many good points. There are truly evil people in our world. From your writing it is obvious that you have looked a few in the eyes and seen the emptiness. They will never change. I believe that the vast majority of humans want the same basic things and have more in common than our current social/political climate suggests. How to reach that common ground is the hard part.

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Bill Alstrom (MA/Maine/MA)'s avatar

Dr. Hall,

You have asked us (again) to challenge our thinking. Or maybe actually think instead of simply reacting. I think that at it's core your suggestion is extremely healthy. And in most situations worth a serious effort.

But there are situations where such an approach is like walking into a tiger trap. You don't see it coming, but all of a sudden you have fallen through and have been impaled.

It's hard not to be angry at people who vote against their better interests when they base their votes on lies and conspiracy nonsense. If that's all it comes down to - a political difference with what we might consider a well intentioned person - I would be game to engage in the manner you prescribe.

But I can think of three circumstances where a person has acted so hatefully - with a wonton desire to hurt - that I require putting them in the "toxic person" department. There are people that are irredeemably broken who project such evil and harm that they are best avoided.

I admire the spirit of your letter and I hope it can be applied in many situations. But sometimes, personal mental health - psychological survival - require putting a person in a figurative box, locking it and securing the key. Call it canceling, ghosting, ignoring...whatever. Sometimes, to do otherwise is to relinquish our own power to achieve happiness.

I have made it a mission to surround myself with people who want the best for others. When I have done otherwise the price has been awful.

None of the above suggests that I think you are on a wrong path. Au contraire. If there were more who thought like you, the world would be a much better place.

Thanks for the good ideas!

Bill

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