How much of yourself do you share?

Dear friend,
You have likely noticed
I bare my soul
in my letters to you.

I am a longtime loner
who learned
to open up.

I have no regret.

I love that
you know
who I am.

How about you?

Are you a private person?

One who keeps
most of your inner thoughts
and feelings to yourself?

Do you simply
not trust others enough
to be emotionally open?

If so
you may think

that keeping
yourself private

is a good strategy
to have in life.

It’s not

The privacy strategy
may save you some pain

but remaining a private person
will cause you far more harm

than exposing
your inner thoughts and feelings
ever will.

Why?

Because remaining private
cuts you off.

It cuts you off from
the primary source of LIFE

your soul to soul
connection with others.

You may object

“But I was badly hurt
in the past

when I revealed myself!”

I hear you.
I believe you.

You have likely
repeated this fact

to yourself
and to others
for years.

You may even
find some relief
in saying it

thinking it gets you
off the hook

for any future sharing
of your soul.

Alas

I have to tell you
you have bought into
a cunning lie.

The destructive part
of your mind
—the sadistic superego—
has misled you.

It has stifled you
with a false
and self damaging warning:

Don’t get close to anyone!

Staying private
will protect you!

This is horse manure.

There are many many
trustworthy people

to connect with
in this world.

Buying the destructive lie
that you should stay private

will prevent you
from finding

and getting close
with any of them.

A grain of truth

As in all
sadistic superego lies

there is
a grain of truth
in this sick warning.

Yes, it is true
that in some ways

staying private
will save you
some pain.

But by keeping you isolated

it will also prevent you

from becoming able to love.

And being
unable to love

has to be
the most painful thing
there is.

So…

How much good
is your vow of emotional privacy
actually doing you?

Who wants to make love
with a stone?

I Am A Rock

That’s the title
of my masochistic anthem.

The one I used to sing
with gusto.

… A winter's day
In a deep and dark December

… I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock I am an island

… I've built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship,
friendship causes pain
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain
I am a rock I am an island

… Don't talk of love
Well I've heard the word before
It's sleeping in my memory
I won't disturb the slumber
of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock I am an island

… I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room
safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock I am an island

… And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries

Click here to have a listen

The healthy alternative

Instead of maintaining
this debilitating
and paranoid view

that other people
are untrustworthy

it is far better
to build yourself

into a person
who is
capable of trusting.

It is only
when we become

capable
of trusting
other human beings

that we become able
to truly love
another person.

Yes
love requires
a great deal of trust.

We have to open up
our soul

and share
who we are.

Share our dreams
of who we hope
to become.

And share all our thoughts,
fears and feelings
along the way.

As we allow ourselves
to trust this other person
on a deep soul level

we become
able to love them
with our whole being.

Our heart
our mind
our soul
our body.

This is genuine intimacy.

The only kind of intimacy
that will ever
make us truly happy.

But whom shall we trust?

The only person who is safe
to trust enough

to love
with our whole being

is a person of high character.

An honorable reliable individual
who cherishes
our shared humanity.

I have described
the character traits
of such a person

in my previous letters:

How can I tell if a person
has the potential to be a good partner?

How a fine man
is described in 3 words

Where can a man
find a woman to love?

To be lovable

Learn to discern

When we meet
a potential partner

we need
to ask ourselves:

Does this person have
the essential character traits
of a trustworthy individual?

To answer this question
accurately

we have to develop
our capability
to evaluate people.

We must learn to discern
who is trustworthy
and who is not.

For excellent guidance
see:

Are You The One For Me?
Knowing Who’s Right and Avoiding Who’s Wrong
by Barbara De Angelis.

You will learn
how to notice what is vital
before you get involved.

To get full benefit
from this book

be sure to also
evaluate yourself.

Make sure you
have or are building

the character traits
to be trusted

by the fine person
you will one day meet

who will want to share
their inner thoughts and feelings
with you.

Blessings,

Dr. Hall