How not to be a shadow of yourself
Has anyone ever tried to get you to be someone you’re not?
Make a huge life decision to head in a direction you don’t want?
Maybe take training or education in a field or at a school that isn’t you…
Take a job that pays well but isn’t aligned with your values or your goals in life…
Get serious with someone who is the social media image of a great catch...
(Like Reese Witherspoon does in Sweet Home Alabama before she wakes up)
Move to a location that would take the life spark out of you and be unbearable…
If you’ve ever faced being pressured like this,
you know that sinking feeling in your stomach…
“I don’t want to do this, but maybe I should…”
And if you go ahead and do it,
you end up feeling like your own shadow.
Because YOU weren’t really there.
Your heart was never in it.
You let someone else live your life for you.
We have all done this at some point.
But none of us wants ever to do it again.
We don’t have to.
So let’s look at what that takes.
Are you game?
Let’s DO this!
A free and independent mind
My parents were independent thinkers.
They raised me to be one as well.
Our family had no money, but at 15
I was offered an all expense paid education at Vassar College,
a top ivy league school that was all girls then.
My mother, who had an MA from Vassar on an academic scholarship,
had a wealthy classmate friend who wanted very much to send me.
I had top grades, and in a few years would likely have been admitted.
I said no.
I had no desire to go to an all girls school.
I was also aware that I was not going to be emotionally ready for college
when I graduated from high school.
I knew myself, acted decisively, and have never had a moment’s regret.
Later, at 26, after I was married and had two children
I went to university and loved it.
It was the right time for me, and the right school.
Know thyself
So how do you know yourself enough to say no?
Well…I had spent a great deal of time in introspection.
We didn’t have a TV.
These days it’s hard to get to know yourself.
Most of your time may be spent listening to other people’s thoughts,
checking up on what others are saying and doing…
and what they think of what you are saying and doing.
It’s a thumbs up or thumbs down world out there.
Judgment may be fun, but it doesn’t lead to self knowledge.
Actually, it leads to fear.
Fear of being different.
Being seen as uncool, unattractive, disagreeable or wrong.
Being rejected for not passively going along with
the thinking of the family or group or relationship you are in.
Because we fear their disapproval,
we put a great deal of importance on how others judge us.
What they think of how we look, what we buy,
what we say, what we do, and where we go.
But do we need their approval?
No.
So…
if you really want to get to know yourself well enough to say no,
you’ll need to make knowing your own independent self your first priority.
You’ll need to be guided by your own needs
and your own self respect.
What would that look like?
Your own values
Start by getting clear and strong on your own values,
so no one will ever be able to convince you to sell out.
Ask yourself lots of questions about what YOU believe in
who YOU want to be
what YOU want to do with your life
--regardless of your youth or your age--
as you grow in your capability to contribute to the world.
Hopefully, search your soul deeply before you are faced with major life decisions.
But especially at any point in your life when you see a huge decision coming up.
Once you get clear on who you are, what you need, and what you want,
nobody will be able to sidetrack you.
Trust your gut
Trust your gut. Your gut knows.
That sinking feeling you get when you think of taking a certain path
is there to save you from drowning.
Be decisive
Stand tall.
Your decisions about your own life are your own.
If someone gets obnoxious and starts really pushing you,
just state your decision and say nothing more.
Don’t let anything they say bother you.
In sum
Don’t take an empty shadow path.
It leads nowhere but to more emptiness.
To thine own self be true.
Proudly take care of yourself
and lead the life God gave you.
Dr. Hall
QUESTION:
When did you make a brave life decision
that you know was the right one for you?
Decision: After my wife and son died six months apart in 2020, I had a decision: to forever grieve and hold on to feelings of bitterness and anger ...
... or take those negative feelings, load them into one of Elon's rockets and fire them toward the sun to melt with Icarus.
I chose the latter .... and it's made all the difference.
My mother got me into a private college that I was ill prepared for, didn’t want to go and quit after one semester. She didn’t like my husband who was short and only 103, talked back to her, and was totally the opposite of her other son-in-law. Thanks to knowing and expressing my own mind, I had the most fulfilling, adventurous and loving life imaginable! She also never approved or supported any of my desires or accomplishments, because they weren’t what she wanted for me. I’m so thankful that I always forged ahead and did the things that pleased me.