How to get free of self criticism

Dear friend,
Being demoralized
by attacks of self criticism
is no way to start our New Year!

Bad enough
that we are subjected to daily abuse
from our newly elected dictator.

But allowing ourselves
to be bombarded from within
is only adding insult to injury.

Alas
we all play victim
to self criticism
some of the time.

Some of us
do it
all of the time.

We know the pain
of allowing ourselves
to be inwardly attacked
for every failure.

Every weakness.
Every mistake.
Every flaw in our appearance.

We know the torment
of allowing ourselves
to be inwardly mocked
for every woe.

Our financial difficulties.
Our relational incompetence.
Our lack of confidence.

Our submission can become
a masochistic fiesta
if we allow it.

What if

What if we identify the source
of the attacks?

What if we discover
the source is weak?

What if we come to see
the attacks as pathetic? 

What if we come to realize
there is no law
that says
we have to play victim
to the attacker?

No law
that says
we have to submit
and surrender?

What if we discover
we are far stronger
than this sadistic bully
will ever be?

Let me tell you a story

My mother had a favorite story about me.
She felt it conveyed who I am.

I recall the incident in full color:

I am about four.
I’m wearing my little red coat
walking along my rural street
heading for my friend’s house.

I see a huge dog up ahead.
It is charging toward me.

As it gets near I see it is brown.
Looks like a boxer or something.

It runs straight at me
and leaps!

Hits me full force in the chest
and knocks me into the ditch.

It’s biting my left arm.
I’m on my back
down below ground level
screaming bloody murder.

The neighbor lady
comes tearing out of her house
with a broom
and beats the dog off me.

I run home screaming and crying.

My mother is there.
She comforts me.

She takes off my little red coat.
Examines my bare arm.

A row of pink tooth marks
but no punctures.

She dries my tears.
Washes me up.

Whereupon
I put my little red coat back on
go back outside
pick up a big stick
and continue on down the street.

What does my story have to do with self criticism?

Well, with self criticism
we are up against an attack dog. 

One that will charge us
in broad daylight
and knock us into the ditch. 

Ah, but ONLY if we allow it.

To prevent a dive into the ditch
we have to carry a big stick  
so the attack dog will think twice.

It’s all psychological

As soon as I picked up a big stick
I saw myself as stronger
than the dog. 

I was no longer intimidated.

I knew if he tried to jump me
he would pay a price.

But attacks of self criticism
are psychological
not physical.

So we need
a big psychological stick
to stop them.

The power of ridicule

The most powerful
psychological weapon ever devised
is ridicule.

Attacks of self criticism
are based in ridicule.

“What a loser you are!”

“What an ugly body you have!
You’ll never have a sexual partner.”

“No one will ever want
to come near
a fat slob like you.”

“You are going
to be Forever Alone.”

“You’re a f___ing idiot.
You’re not smart enough
to ever get a good job.”

”You’ll still be
living in your Mom’s basement
when you’re 50!”

“You’re going to rot down there!”

Time to turn the tables

Getting free of self criticism
is all about turning the tables.

I love turning the tables
on a bully, don’t you?

When the time comes
that we decide

we have had enough
of these sadistic attacks

we simply turn the ridicule
back upon its source.

Its source
is the destructive part
of our own mind.

Religions call it the devil.
Psychoanalysts call it the sadistic superego.

The sadistic superego
is the wannabe dictator
of our personality.

Always attacking our ego
and attempting to subjugate it.

To turn the ridicule
back upon its source
we first expose the attacks themselves

by writing down
the exact words of sadistic criticism
being leveled against us.

Then we ridicule the inner attacker
and the words it uses.

A surprise

Once we have written down
all the vicious criticism
what we will notice is surprising.

Simply by exposing the attacks
to the light of day
they begin to lose their power.

Why?

Because these accusations
are so sadistic and absurd
they can only operate in the dark. 

The light of our conscious mind
reading them word for word
reveals them for what they are.

Lies.

Ridiculous pathetic lies.

But what if the accusations are TRUE?

We may indeed
look at the accusations and criticisms
we have written down and say:

But some of these statements are true!

Ah…but this is how propaganda works!

Propaganda takes a few facts
and surrounds them with lies.

Propaganda sucks us in
because there is always something in it
…like the price of eggs…
that we can’t refute.

Propaganda in the external world
is fashioned out of lies
by our external attack dogs:

the political, religious,
and economic wannabe dictators.

Propaganda
in the internal world
is fashioned out of lies
by our internal attack dog:

the psychological wannabe dictator.

But all dictators
function the same.

They take an unfortunate fact
twist lies around it
and make it into a crime.

A crime that must
be severely punished.

For example

Let’s say that it is a fact
that we are overweight.

Or it is a fact that we don’t have a love partner.

Or it is a fact that we have
some other unfortunate
physical or emotional or financial limitation.

So what.

Is that a capital offense?

Why would we allow ourselves
to be tortured and destroyed
just because we have a problem?

Instead
why don’t we
have compassion for ourselves

deal kindly with our problem

and tell the attack dog to go to hell.

But first, let the beast speak

We first let the inner dictator speak
because we need to hear
how dumb its attacks are.

We need to have the pleasure
of laughing at them.

So, pull out the script
you wrote down
of all the criticisms from within
that you are up against
as you start your New Year.

Examine the exact painful words
of accusation and judgment
being made against you

by the attack dog
within your mind.

Put quotation marks
around each statement
and read them all aloud.

Let the beast
speak loud and clear
in all his phony glory. 

Name that beast

Now give the beast a name.

Give him a name
that personifies its cruelty. 

Not a cute name.
This dog is not a pet. 

This dog is a lethal beast.

When allowed to attack at will,
it is deadly.

It can destroy our health,
our happiness, our success.

It attacks so viciously and relentlessly
that every year thousands of us
give up and commit suicide.

The sadistic superego
is our worst enemy.

Surrendering to it
is our gravest danger.

But this beast is not you

Write the name
you chose for this beast
at the top of all the words
you wrote down
of the attacks it makes against you.

Next to its name
draw a picture of its ugly mug.

Lots of teeth and slobber.

If you are a glutton for punishment
you will look at the picture
and say “That’s me!!!” 

No, it’s not.

It’s not you.

It’s not you
unless you join forces with it.

That’s what psychopaths and dictators do.

They are weaklings.

They join forces
with their sadistic superego
to give themselves the illusion of power.

Who you are

You are a strong individual
who has the guts to stand tall
without the crutch
of the sadistic superego.

You don’t need to feel like a big shot
by getting sadistic pleasure
directing criticism and hatred
toward yourself or anyone else.

You have the courage
to build yourself
an independent and healthy ego

to hold together
the constructive core
of your mind and soul

so you can pursue your dreams
and create a Happy New Year
for yourself and your loved ones.

No constructive intentions

But the sadistic internal dictator
—just like the sadistic external dictator—

has no constructive intention
to build a Happy New Year
for any of us! 

The inner dictator
began viciously attacking our ego
when we were very young.

We can probably remember when
we first became aware of its assaults
and their depressing consequences.

Our lifelong mental health
depends on how consistently
we stand up
to fight and defeat
the inner enemy.

To maintain our emotional health
and prevent a takeover of our ego
we have to fight and defeat it
on a daily basis.

To win the daily battle
we expose its pathetic attacks
to the light of day

we ridicule them
we laugh at them
and we challenge our submission to them.

We ask ourselves every day:

“Why would I surrender to a phony sadistic dictator?”

We separate ourselves completely
from the attacker.

We never give support or credence
to his destructive lies. 

We establish that
we are stronger
than the inner dictator
and all his attacks..

We seek solutions

The constructive part of our mind
—our healthy ego—
does not turn an unfortunate fact about us
into a weapon to harm us with.

We do not take our weaknesses
and judge, condemn, torture
and destroy ourselves with them.

We are builders.

We seek solutions
not judgment.

We are forgiving,
not cruel. 

When we recognize
we have a weakness
we don’t allow ourselves
to be attacked for it.

Instead
we take responsibility
for our problem.

We figure out the source
of our problem

and we take the power away
from the source.

We say:

“I need to make a change
in this area
so that I will get stronger.”

And we make the change gently.

We say:
“I need to lose weight.
I will find a good and gradual way to do it.”

Or:
“I am way too much of a loner.
I will start going out and talking more with others.”

Or:
“I need to stop staying up late and wasting my time!
I will get to bed earlier
so I can start my new day rested and strong.”

Whatever we need to face in ourselves
we face with kindness and strength.

Facing ourselves with the truth
is not self criticism.

It is self awareness.

No surrender

There is no law that says
we even have to listen
to attacks of criticism.

Once we stop listening
we will rarely get attacked.

It’s kind of like junk food. 

Once we stop surrendering to it
it mostly leaves us alone.

But…
if that mangy curr
ever does manage
to knock us into the ditch again…

we get back up
spit out the blood
pick up a big stick

and go back out
into this beautiful world.

In closing

Let me share with you
my favorite response
to the attack dog. 

Save it for once you have
made good headway
in freeing yourself
from his attacks of criticism.

Then
next time he tries
to destroy your confidence

listen to the BS

then ask
without the slightest emotion: 

”Are you done yet?”

Your calm unruffled state of mind
demonstrates that the attacks
have had zero impact. 

You are showing the inner dictator
he has no more power over you. 

You are bored. 

And just letting the curr know
that he may as well quit.

Blessings,

Dr. Hall