If I teach a great course -- Lying 101 -- will you take it?

Dear friend,

If I offered you a course called Lying 101

what do you think I would teach?

I imagine you’d figure I was going to teach you

how to tell when someone is lying to you.

These days we spend a lot of time online.

We are constantly evaluating — is this statement true?

Is this statement a lie?

So you would probably welcome

some tips on how to tell if someone is lying.

I could do that.

Or, others of you might be wondering:

Huh? Is she going to teach us how to lie???

Hmmm.

Actually, I do think it is a skill everyone needs to possess.

So I could do that, too.

But

what if my course about lying

wasn’t going to teach you a single thing

about either of these questions?


What in the world could it possibly be about???

What else is there to KNOW???

Let’s take a look.

What is the real problem?

Do you suppose that

as a psychologist

I have heard a few lies?

Yes. I sure have.

But the lies we tell others

are not the main problem.

The main problem is

how we handle

the lies coming at us

from within our own mind.

The lies

that support the excuses we make,

the alibis we concoct,

the risks we deny….

all to avoid taking responsibility.

I had one extremely destructive patient

who excused herself completely

of all wrongdoing

on the basis that

she had experienced childhood abuse.

She firmly believed the inner lie

that as a victim

she was utterly innocent

of any and all pain or injury

that she inflicted upon others.

We all accept lies from within

I accepted for years the inner lie

that I could never be a happy person

because of major losses and traumas

as a teenager.

Many people accept the inner lie

that they are going to die young

because their father or mother did.

They are so sure of this lie

they don’t make plans for retirement.

The inner lies we accept

become self fulfilling prophecies.

We believe them

and we act them out.

So what would Lying 101 be about?

If I were going to teach you

a great course about lying

I would make you an expert

at detecting inner lies.

Not so you could

beat yourself over the head

for accepting them.

No —

So you could see

just how absurd

the inner lies really are!

Once you see

how utterly ridiculous

the inner lies are

they begin to die

of their own absurdity.

Sneak preview of my course

So let’s take a look at the trailer…

How do we recognize inner lies?

Inner lies are repetitive.

We hear the same ones over and over.

They have never led

to a good outcome yet.

Always to a bad/lousy/terrible/painful outcome.

An outcome you can foresee.

Ah, but this time will be different!

says the lie.

There’s your tip off:

This time will be different.

No it won’t.

But we choose to believe it will.

We choose to buy the lie.

Here’s a simple lie we buy over and over

It’s an all purpose lie:

“You can handle it.”

Covers darn near everything!

Buying this lie

allows us to go ahead

and do all kinds of self damaging things.

Some of which are extremely dangerous.

Things that could ruin our lives.

Ruin all our efforts toward happiness.

How it works

Do you want to hear

how this simple little lie works?

OK.

You are going about your life…

and find yourself in a situation

where you should say No.

But you are wavering.

This is the moment

when you will hear the inner lie:

“You can handle it.”

“You can still drive

(after three drinks.)

You can handle it.”

“You can try out this drug.

You won’t get hooked.

You can handle it.”

“You can go 75.

There’s no cops around.

You won’t get caught.

You can handle it.”

“You can go to the casino.

You’ll leave when you’re ahead.

You can handle it.”

“You can have that chocolate cookie.

One won’t hurt your diet.

You can handle it.”

“You can go back to her place

on the first date.

You won’t have sex yet.

You can handle it.”

“You don’t need a therapist

just because you feel like

you’d rather be dead.

You can handle it.”

So how do we deal with a lie like this?

Telling ourselves

we won’t make the same mistake again

doesn’t work.

We have already tried that.

More times than we can count.

So, what does work?

What works is to challenge ourselves

If we want to get free of the inner lie

we need to ask ourselves a simple question:

Why am I listening to this lie?

We need to ask it

the same as we would ask

if a lousy song or movie came on:

Why are we listening to this junk?

We’re holding the remote

in our own hand!!!

There’s no law that says

we have to listen!!!

So

when we hear:

“You can have another drink

and still drive!

You can handle it!”

we need to ask ourselves:

Why am I listening to this lie?

Why do I want to suffer?

Why do I want to lose my license?

Why do I want to kill somebody on the road?

Why do I want to die in a crash?

We ask ourselves these questions

in order to wake ourselves up.

In order to face ourselves

with the true consequences

of buying the lie.

Our questions reveal

just how absurd

and ridiculous

the inner lies are.

And how dangerous

and self damaging it is

for us to listen to them

and accept them.

Free at last

Once we see through

the seductive and destructive inner lies

they lose most of their power over us.

Next time you feel tempted

to buy an inner lie

ask yourself some challenging questions

like the ones above.

Yes, I know it isn’t easy.

But by absorbing this letter

you have already taken

the Intro to my course Lying 101.

You have already begun

to build your capacity

to detect inner lies

and to become immune to them.

Blessings,

Dr. Hall

Question:

Can you see how powerful it is to challenge an inner lie?