If that's the syllabus, I'll sign up for the course. I'd even take it at 8AM, which was a rare event after my freshman year. I think I've gotten fairly adept at not fooling myself, but that's often a sign that one is not as good at it as one thinks.
Being an ideal student would be a unique experience for me. The course sounds fascinating. I'm engaged with Do What You Are right now and learning a lot. Thanks for the recommendation.
Another fine letter from you. Cool tricky intro to grab attention. Then you had us.
Something happens to us - usually very early in our lives. It is based on a concept and from there it is a decision.
The concept is either believing "I am right!' or "I would like to learn." The concept is remaining stuck in those traps you eloquently described or consciously taking steps in a desire to improve. Do we have the courage to look inside ourselves and ask how we became constructed?
Sometimes we decide we will just copy the behavior around us. Good role models are nice. But lousy ones abound. Ooops...
Do I care how I impact others or the Planet? Will I make some efforts to question damaging ideas that were planted in me by some experience I had - or my parents had?
Do I want to grow? Do I want to learn how to be a better person, a better planet dweller? Or not.
And at the core of all of this is the concept of empathy. A word that seems to have escaped from too any people. Or was never taught. Frighteningly so.
Recently we attended an elementary school event. Our grandsons 1st grade class had been studying Japan. Each kid spoke of one aspect. And then four sixth graders presented the audience a recap of their "empathy project' - providing examples of putting themselves in someone else's shoes. I thought I was going to cry. With joy and relief.
Then there's the "little white lie" lie. It's not important, it won't hurt anyone, it's not really a lie. Where does the sociopath fit into this framework, or do they? They believe everything they say and never think that they're lieing. I think that there needs to be some sort of reference point that lights up when we lie, maybe a twinge somewhere in our conscience? I don't know, I'm just throwing stuff out there. I think about the lies that I have told and find that, rightly or wrongly, they were told to protect others. Probably a misguided effort to exonerate and extricate myself from being revealed. What's that line from Shakespeare? When at first we do deceive....... I've forgotten the wording and the rest and am to lazy to look it up, and, to quote Lily Tomlin; "That's the truth."
And they compensate for their weak ego by trying to appear strong and all-knowing, favoring bullying over dialogue. Sounds like a fate worse than death. At least in death, it's over. One could pity them if they weren't so destructive. Best to stay far away from them. At least in private practive you can refuse to work with them, in an open clinic you just have to deal with them. I only had one, in a group setting and he stayed hidden until challenged, then struck out at everyone. After that I thought, I don't want to do this and went back to being a musician.
Brave soul. I was glad that I had another profession to return to. The two years that I worked there did stand me in good stead for learning how to deal with people without becoming a curmudgeon. That came later. 😈
I'm not sure sociopaths believe their lies. My experience with them is that they view all of humanity as something to be manipulated or exploited to get what the sociopath wants. Then again maybe their inner lie that they are the most important being in existence is the big one.
I admit that I thought you were going to teach us how to lie. How interesting to hear about the lies we tell ourselves. I never believed that I wasn’t entitled to be happy. I made it my goal in life to be happy, the way people choose their profession in life. My only goal in life was to be happy. I made a lot of mistakes searching for love to make me happy, and realized in the end that I am responsible for making my own happiness. I have learned not to hate myself for mistakes I made, but to understand the why and be forgiving. In the end I will die a happy person. Thank you for reminding us to be greatful for the good, and accept the bad times that naturally come with life.
Your comment came at a good time. Lately I have been overwhelmed by the loss of my dear husband of 60 years. I lost my capacity for joy, but I realize that in doing that, I was giving up on my goal in life to be happy. I was also discarding all the happiest times of my life, instead of celebrating and enjoying the memories. I am ready for this new chapter in my life as I welcome each day with hope and anticipation of finding happiness. Thank you again dear Dr. Hall.
If that's the syllabus, I'll sign up for the course. I'd even take it at 8AM, which was a rare event after my freshman year. I think I've gotten fairly adept at not fooling myself, but that's often a sign that one is not as good at it as one thinks.
You would be my ideal student, Dave,
because you would be open
to considering and testing my ideas.
You have an independent mind
and I would be learning from you
at the same time as teaching.
I plan to create a starter course
that guides a person in taking
the essential steps to build
their freedom
(psychological/political/spiritual.)
Being an ideal student would be a unique experience for me. The course sounds fascinating. I'm engaged with Do What You Are right now and learning a lot. Thanks for the recommendation.
Ah Dave by readng the book
you prove my point
So glad you are
finding it valuable
I learned TONS from it
about everyone in my life
Dr Hall,
Another fine letter from you. Cool tricky intro to grab attention. Then you had us.
Something happens to us - usually very early in our lives. It is based on a concept and from there it is a decision.
The concept is either believing "I am right!' or "I would like to learn." The concept is remaining stuck in those traps you eloquently described or consciously taking steps in a desire to improve. Do we have the courage to look inside ourselves and ask how we became constructed?
Sometimes we decide we will just copy the behavior around us. Good role models are nice. But lousy ones abound. Ooops...
Do I care how I impact others or the Planet? Will I make some efforts to question damaging ideas that were planted in me by some experience I had - or my parents had?
Do I want to grow? Do I want to learn how to be a better person, a better planet dweller? Or not.
And at the core of all of this is the concept of empathy. A word that seems to have escaped from too any people. Or was never taught. Frighteningly so.
Recently we attended an elementary school event. Our grandsons 1st grade class had been studying Japan. Each kid spoke of one aspect. And then four sixth graders presented the audience a recap of their "empathy project' - providing examples of putting themselves in someone else's shoes. I thought I was going to cry. With joy and relief.
wow
what a beautiful moment
such joy and relief!
and what an insightful response
to my letter, Bill
thank you for being a man
who loves to grow
and loves to see others
grow as well
and you don't just watch
you make it happen
President Biden called on us all
today at Normandy
he gave the speech of his life
we will rise to his call
we will keep faith
with all who saved
our freedom
What an insightful essay, Deborah
"Inner lies are repetitive" - This is so true!
Also, merely dismissing these lies that come as "thoughts" isn't the way to challenge them.
As you have taught us, we need to question them.
These lies come in two forms: either they fill our minds with negative outcomes for what we have no control over.
OR
They tell us that there are no consequences for an adverse action we take.
Thank you for this course, Dr. Hall
Olusegun,
Thank you for bringing forward
a major form of inner lie
that I didn't mention:
negative outcomes painted as certain.
The intention of this kind of inner lie
is to terrify and paralyze the ego.
"You can't get your driver's license.
You're a pathetic driver. You'll crash."
This lie works via intimidation.
The other form of inner lie
-- telling us there are no consequences --
works via seduction.
All inner lies come from
the destructive part of our mind
analysts call the sadistic superego.
It is out to scare and trick the ego
into submission.
We get stronger and more free
as we expose and stymie
its ludicrous techniques.
as we expose and stymie
these ludicrous techniques.
Dr. Hall, I've always believed the most important person NOT to lie to is yourself.
Jim,
I am glad for you
having your long standing belief.
It is a vital strength.
The cornerstone of mental health
is to not accept lies from within.
Those who accept their own inner lies
succumb to the lies of others
and go on to promulgate lies themselves.
Once a person buys the inner lie::
"You are an innocent victim
who bears no responsibility
for your misery"
they are ripe to believe
all manner of false explanations
and expound them with passionate zeal.
Scapegoats are chosen and targeted
for cruel retribution.
Such revenge is relished and rewarded.
Alas this tragic process
is well underway in our land.
Then there's the "little white lie" lie. It's not important, it won't hurt anyone, it's not really a lie. Where does the sociopath fit into this framework, or do they? They believe everything they say and never think that they're lieing. I think that there needs to be some sort of reference point that lights up when we lie, maybe a twinge somewhere in our conscience? I don't know, I'm just throwing stuff out there. I think about the lies that I have told and find that, rightly or wrongly, they were told to protect others. Probably a misguided effort to exonerate and extricate myself from being revealed. What's that line from Shakespeare? When at first we do deceive....... I've forgotten the wording and the rest and am to lazy to look it up, and, to quote Lily Tomlin; "That's the truth."
Herr,
Thank you for your thoughts
and question about sociopaths.
Their ego accepted the inner lie
that they would be stronger if they teamed up
with their sadistic superego.
(They like "winners" not "losers" :)
All they got for selling out to "the devil"
was the phony power of being the bully
and multiple convictions.
And their ego lost all genuine freedom.
Great business deal, eh?
Unfortunately, it makes no difference, either to them or to their enablers.
Exactly.
This is why sociopaths are so hard to reach in psychotherapy.
Their pathetic deal with " the devil"
is a done deal.
Their ego is too weak to pry themselves loose
even if you can show them
why they need to.
And they compensate for their weak ego by trying to appear strong and all-knowing, favoring bullying over dialogue. Sounds like a fate worse than death. At least in death, it's over. One could pity them if they weren't so destructive. Best to stay far away from them. At least in private practive you can refuse to work with them, in an open clinic you just have to deal with them. I only had one, in a group setting and he stayed hidden until challenged, then struck out at everyone. After that I thought, I don't want to do this and went back to being a musician.
A wise man.
I stayed for six years
doing therapy with sociopaths, psychopaths and schizophrenics
in major forensic unit.
I was there to further develop and test
my theory of malignancy.
After I had learned
what I came for
I continued on
as a theorist and writer.
Brave soul. I was glad that I had another profession to return to. The two years that I worked there did stand me in good stead for learning how to deal with people without becoming a curmudgeon. That came later. 😈
I'm not sure sociopaths believe their lies. My experience with them is that they view all of humanity as something to be manipulated or exploited to get what the sociopath wants. Then again maybe their inner lie that they are the most important being in existence is the big one.
The last sentence sums it up.
I admit that I thought you were going to teach us how to lie. How interesting to hear about the lies we tell ourselves. I never believed that I wasn’t entitled to be happy. I made it my goal in life to be happy, the way people choose their profession in life. My only goal in life was to be happy. I made a lot of mistakes searching for love to make me happy, and realized in the end that I am responsible for making my own happiness. I have learned not to hate myself for mistakes I made, but to understand the why and be forgiving. In the end I will die a happy person. Thank you for reminding us to be greatful for the good, and accept the bad times that naturally come with life.
Joanne,
I know your name is not Jim!!!
Please forgive this typo
I am typing on my cell
and made errors on my replies
I knew your response was to me! I see this all the time in text messages!
Jim,
I read your words very slowly, aloud
First time through
Guess I knew they would be deep
Thank you for sharing
how you have lived and grown
toward your life goal of happiness
It is a joy
to see you succeed
It is a gift
to receive your wisdom
ps was moved to tears
the whole way through
Your comment came at a good time. Lately I have been overwhelmed by the loss of my dear husband of 60 years. I lost my capacity for joy, but I realize that in doing that, I was giving up on my goal in life to be happy. I was also discarding all the happiest times of my life, instead of celebrating and enjoying the memories. I am ready for this new chapter in my life as I welcome each day with hope and anticipation of finding happiness. Thank you again dear Dr. Hall.