on getting along with others
dear friend
some of us
get along quite well
with others
some of us
don’t
and some of us
are arrogant doctors
who just think
we do :)
Lucy to Linus:
YOU a doctor! HA!
That’s a big laugh!
You could never
be a doctor
You know why?
You don’t
love mankind,
that’s why!
Linus to Lucy:
I love mankind…
it’s people
i can’t stand!!
if we are at odds
with others
(or just odd :)
we may not
be in conflict
with those
around us
on any
particular issue
we may simply
be out of sync
we may have
an ongoing feeling
of annoyance
and dissatisfaction
a feeling
that our intentions
and motives
are
not understood
and our needs
are overlooked
we are
not in tune
we feel alone
in a group
and seldom feel
peace
and contentment
unless we are with
our one
favorite person
and we wonder
where the hell
we will be
without
them
so what does it take
for one of us
who generally
doesn’t fit
to become able
to genuinely and delightedly
get along
with other
humans
it takes
love
respect
and a considerable increase
in our
self awareness
love
getting along well
with others
takes genuine love
of all humanity
foreign
and domestic
and
genuine love
of those actual flawed
individual persons
we encounter
in our daily life
see lucy
and linus above
respect
getting along well
with others
takes
our humble recognition
that this
other person
who may have
less education
less money
and/or less
haha political correctness
than we do
has valuable insight
and knowledge
we do not have
and
therefore
it behooves us
to respectfully
seek to learn
from them
rather than struggle
debate
and self righteously
correct them
for their so called
ignorance
self awareness
getting along well
with others
takes deep understanding
of our own personality
especially
our difficult aspects
the ones
that make it hard
for someone else
to get along
with us
we can be
a good hearted
respectful person
but find our self
puzzled
and disappointed
by how hard
it is
to have
a calm and peaceful
relationship
we can be with
the right person
we can be
the right person
and we can both
love and respect
each other deeply
yet still
have great difficulty
getting along
with each other
because we are oblivious
to our own personality
and to theirs
and they are oblivious
to their own personality
and to ours
we don’t understand
each other
well enough
to prevent
the ongoing pain
of misunderstanding
and being misunderstood
because neither of us
has any idea
how our
built in natures
are causing
these difficult gaps
between us
in how we see
and experience life
we can’t
bridge the gaps
because
we don’t know
they are there
here are three steps
we can take
to build more harmony
with our partner
1. find out
and fully understand
our own personality
so we will know
what our partner
and all others
we interact with
are up against
when attempting
to get along with us :)
2. find out
and fully understand
our partner’s personality
so we will know
what we are up against
when attempting
to get along with them :)
ideally
both of us
learn about
both of us
C. learn to handle our differences
this will take
some study
once we both know
and understand
our personality type
we can do
some online exploring
to learn how
we can successfully handle
our differences
and build
more harmony
between us
the beautiful rewards
of our work
will be exponential
so let’s start with our self
understanding
our own personality
builds a core foundation
of our freedom
so let’s begin
with the basic question
what is personality
our personality
is a kind of lens
it’s like
a pair of eyeglasses
we see the world
through the lens
of our personality
different personalities
view the world
in very different ways
our problem is
we assume
everyone else
is looking through
the same lens
we are
we cannot
understand
why things
we love to do
are so unappealing
to others
why our ways
of handling daily life
that work well
for us
are not accepted
and adopted
by others
we simply
cannot fathom
why things
that please us
so much
are so annoying
to other people
our fundamental erroneous assumption
is that our way
of perceiving the world
is how
the world IS
period
we believe
our perception
is right and true
and that if
other people
don’t yet perceive life
the way we do
and relate
to it
the way we do
they damn well should
this arrogant assumption
is the root cause
of our inability
to get along
with others
we see
our self
and our perceptions
and our ways
of dealing with reality
as superior
and we inwardly
(or outwardly)
criticize
all those
who differ
why does he
always have to talk first
before taking action
I like to
get things done
why does she
keep dwelling on
the emotional considerations
of every decision
i evaluate
the facts
why does he
just want to stay home
and read a book
i believe in having fun
and i want us
to go to the party tonight
so we can have
some fun
if we don’t understand
deeply care about
and cherish
our different
personalities
one of us
will be the boss
and get our way
and the other
will end up
muzzled
we will both feel
continuously frustrated
we will be aware
that our partner
is quietly or openly
angry with us
but we won’t
understand why
we will see
we have hurt
our partner’s feelings
but we won’t
know why
we will get
the silent treatment
and not know
what brought it about
nor what
to do about it
we will feel
we are living
in the other person’s
shadow
because decisions
on what we do
and where we go
etc etc
will favor
the partner
with the more dominant
personality
our personality differences
will frustrate
and
infuriate us
until we
get beyond
all our superior
and hurtful judgments
of each other’s perceptions
and responses
and realize
that this other
human being
is not looking at life
through the same glasses
we are
and
that it is far better
for both of us
that they don’t
because our differences
open up
so much opportunity
for us both
to expand
our awareness
of life
to learn about your own personality
i recommend
you use
the best assessment tool
i know
the Myers Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI)
it identifies
16 personality types
it will give you
a four letter type
and a clear
and insightful explanation
of what
those letters mean
Free Personality Test
some of us
have already done the test
and know our type
(mine is INFJ)
but there is
a great deal more
for us to explore
in how our type
relates to our ability
to get along with others
if you are new
to personality assessment
learning your profile
will be enlightening
after you take it
and have read
your results
you may feel
a bit stunned
all of a sudden
somebody
is providing you
with a profile
claiming that
you have a certain kind
of personality
based on
how you responded
to questions
about your
day-to-day life
you have simply
been informed
that your answers
indicate you have
one of the 16 profiles
you may not agree
with your profile
parts of it
or all of it
but i hope
that as you read
your profile
you will feel
o my
isn’t this fascinating
i hope
that at least some aspects
of your nature
will become
more understandable
to you
i hope you will feel
a door open
to deeper self awareness
i also hope
you will read and study
the other profiles
so you will
come to realize
how vastly different
our personalities
really are
and if you want
to go deeper
in exploring
your own personality
and the personality of others
i highly recommend
you get hold of
the classic study
by Tieger and Barron
(6th edition green cover)
what knowing our type will do for us
by knowing the lens
through which
we see the world
we will gain clarity
on our own
approach to life
we will learn
the importance
of each
of the four dimensions
of our personality
which are stronger
and which are weaker
our increased self awareness
will greatly assist us
not only
in getting along
with others
but in creating
and navigating
our present
and future years
no matter what stage
of our life journey
we are in
our increased self awareness
will guide
each one of us
in moving
more confidently
toward
the beautiful destinations
we are made
to reach
For me the litmus test is simple:
Are you a person of integrity? Do you treat others well? Are you kind hearted? Do you do as and what you say?
“I can't believe what you say, because I see what you do.” - James Baldwin
At this point in my life I have simplified my interactions with others. I generally have minimal contact with people. When I do, I am polite and courteous. The big epiphany came when I realized that I cannot change anyone else. They are what they are. I can change me. I have just started reading Marcus Aurelius and he seems to have gotten the big picture.