Permission to celebrate
Dear friend,
When was the last time
you celebrated
an accomplishment?
If you are like me
you are laughing
Celebrate?
When is there
time for that?
I’m already wrestling
with my next challenge!
Yes
I get it.
We all
work hard
all day long
attempting to accomplish
so many things
in this non stop life.
Do you remember your successes?
When you ask yourself
”What were my successes?”
you may find
you don’t recall them.
Even if you can
think of some
those you celebrated
are very few.
Why IS that?
It isn’t about memory
It certainly isn’t
a problem of memory.
If you ask yourself
”What were my failures?”
you didn’t forget
a single one
of those.
Why the selective amnesia?
Why have
only your successes
been repressed?
Toward taking a different path
A few years ago
I was struggling
to learn to swim freestyle.
Just as I would
finally begin
to get the hang
of it
I’d lose the bodily concept
completely
and feel as if I were
starting all over again.
Being
a tenacious sort
I knew I was
not gonna quit
and that eventually
I would conquer
this thing.
Then I actually
had the thought:
But when I DO
I will deserve a reward.
For me
this was a most
unusual thought.
But the more
I thought it
the more I liked it.
I reasoned:
If I persevere
through all these months
of shedding tears
swallowing chlorine
and getting water up my nose
…and WIN
I will
darn well DESERVE
to celebrate.
I actually
gave myself permission.
When I
received my own permission
to celebrate
I experienced a strong feeling
that justice was being done.
Why is it a question of justice?
It is a question of justice
because being deprived
of reward for hard work
is unfair
unethical
and unjust.
If someone else
worked that hard
for us
we would most certainly
reward them.
It is only our hard work
and our hard won accomplishments
we deny
and dismiss
as if they are
nothing worth celebrating.
Where does this dismissing come from?
This dismissing
comes from the destructive part
of our own mind.
Analysts like me
call it the sadistic superego.
It’s the part of our mind
that is out to destroy
our health
our happiness
our freedom.
All our life
we are all
up against
this cruel internal force.
It attempts to sabotage
our efforts
to achieve success.
When our healthy ego
bravely stands up
to this force
and accomplishes a goal
the sadistic superego
says to our ego:
So what?
Look at all
your failures.
You’re still
a loser.
You have no business
celebrating.
How to fight back
Once we see through
what is going on
inside our mind
and realize just
how cruel and unjust
it is
to not be allowed
to celebrate our wins
we can start
to set things right.
We do this
by challenging
our passive submission
to the dictates
of the sadistic superego.
We ask ourselves:
Why do I
meekly obey
the inner dictator’s sadistic order:
YOU SHALL NOT CELEBRATE.
Why do I allow
this cruel bully
to not just
rain on my parade
but BAN it altogether?
It takes time
It takes time
to recognize
and see through
the cruel lies and dictates
of the inner bully.
It takes time
to turn the tables.
Even coming up
with an idea
of how we want to celebrate
one of our successes
and what we want
for a reward
may take us
awhile.
We’re not used
to thinking like this.
We’re not used to doing this.
We’re not used to grinning
and declaring to the world:
“I celebrate my accomplishments.”
This is not bragging
It is not egotism.
It is not narcissism.
This is healthy ego strength.
This is healthy self respect.
Self respect that leads
to making
a beautiful and clear
statement of intention:
From now on
I will GIVE myself
the recognition I deserve
whether anyone else does
or not.
Maybe no one
has ever
given that recognition
to you.
Now
someone will.
You.
This may take some getting used to
We’re not used
to boldly showing
the world
that we are
proud of ourselves.
People may say:
“You’ve changed!”
Just grin kindly
as under your breath
you whisper:
“You’re damn right.
I have.”
O my
This is going
to feel different.
Very, very different.
Do you think we can stand it?
We give
a lot of thought
to doing justice
to others.
Do you think
we can bear
to do justice to ourselves?
Dr. Deborah Hall: You don't need an excuse to celebrate.
Celebration, joy is central to a healthy life.
You keep us encouraged during hard, hard times.
Beautiful and powerful! Sometimes we are always looking forward to the next milestone or "the next big thing" that we forget to celebrate all the other milestones we've passed. This is such an important reminder for us to pause occasionally and look into the rear view mirror to see how far we've come. "Living in the present" is lacking these days. Thank you for the reminder, Deborah. God bless 🙏