What is transparency in a relationship and why is it so beautiful?

Dear friend,

Look at these delicate wings!
These are the wings that lift a dragonfly into the air.

Isn’t it amazing that
we can see right through them!

They are transparent.

Light is shining through these wings
and nothing is blocking our view.

Can you feel their freedom?
Can you see their beauty?

This is how transparency feels.

In a transparent relationship
we can see right into the soul
of the other person

and they can see right into ours.

The light shines both ways.

Being transparent
means we share with each other
everything within us.

Our souls are open.

We express our true feelings.
Nothing is hidden.

We know each other’s perfections
and imperfections.

We share our hopes, our dreams,
and our failings.

Day by day,
every day.

We want it that way
and we keep it that way.

Our relationship is trusting and receptive.

Our tender awareness of ourselves and each other
frees us to fly ever higher in our love.

Shall we explore how such freedom is built?

First transparency

One day when I was in grade school
I was at the town library.
A boy in my class was there also.

He came over to my little table and sat down.
He told me his grandmother had just died.

Then he opened his heart and cried
as he told me how much it hurt.

He shared all his pain with me
and I gently listened to him.

I had never had an experience like this before.
There was no distance, no block between us.

He shared his deepest emotions with me
and I received them
and was moved by his feelings of grief.

The next day at school, however,
he did not come near me.
Did not even look at me!

I was astonished and dismayed.

When I got home I asked my mother about it.
She said he was probably embarrassed
that he had opened up like that.
And maybe he was afraid to talk again.

I began to realize that being emotionally open is hard.
It makes a person feel vulnerable.

To be known

Yes, it is hard to be emotionally open with another person.
It is hard to be transparent.
But it is the only way we will ever be truly known.

And we cannot be truly loved without being truly known.

When we are truly loved
it is the deep and genuine core of us
that is loved.

When we open our heart and bring another person in,
we allow them to find and connect with
the central core of our being.

When both partners take this leap of faith
we see and are seen.

We know and are known.

This is what genuine intimacy is.

This precious intimacy is made possible by transparency.

A rare state

Genuine intimacy is a rare state to be in
with another human being.

It takes time and patience and hard work to develop.

Real intimacy only becomes possible
when deep trust has been built both ways.

Both persons must dare to let down their guard.

Our fear is that we will regret revealing ourselves.
We fear we will be ridiculed or rejected
—or in some other way live to regret baring our soul.

We fear that in some painful way
we will be punished.

Unfortunately, painful consequences CAN and DO happen
if we trust the wrong person.

This is why we must choose carefully
with whom we are transparent.

When we meet a potential partner, we need to ask:
Is this a person I would trust with my deepest feelings?

If the answer is no,
it doesn’t matter what other impressive qualities they may have.
It will be impossible to build an intimate relationship with them.

Even if we already have a beloved partner
and have been together for many years
there is beauty and insight inside each of us
that is yet to be discovered!

With fuller transparency we can grow and expand
our comprehension and appreciation of each other.

Sometimes by not being brave and exploring further
—not delving into our differences as well as our similarities—
we may be keeping the peace
but we are also keeping the distance.

Tender and aware

How do we know we are with a person
who is capable of being transparent?

They are tender and aware.

When we are with a person who is tender and aware,
we feel safe.

We feel respected.

We know our thoughts and feelings
are important to this person.

This person actually wants to get to know who we are.
Our genuine self.

This person looks us in the eyes when they speak
and when we speak with them.

We feel seen.
We feel heard.
We feel understood.

And they feel the same way
when they are with us

because we see them
we hear them
we understand them.

We are transparent together
and it is beautiful.

Blessings,

Dr. Hall

QUESTION:

Is there someone in your life with whom you want

to build a more transparent relationship?