You have probably watched some movies that have left you wondering “Who the heck is directing this thing?!?!” Maybe the plot wandered all over like a cow in New Delhi, or was so stone cold boring you were falling asleep, or had so many speedy twists and turns you got whiplash.
A hundred years ago when I was a young pup in my 30s, I started listening to a couple of "self help" authors. They spoke about how we keep playing the same tape over and over. They spoke about how we blame out instead of looking inside ourselves. And, I think it was Louise Hay who told us to forgive people: "They are doing the best they can with what they have to work with."
And then...I came across a paperback version of the Tao Te Ching translated freely by Stephen Mitchell. I keep it at my bedside table. The pages are yellowing. It's the most important book and event of my life. It is affirming and empowering.
It is your Substack. Write whatever you feel needs to be written. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and that you express very well. Looking at and reading things from people with different experiences makes life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things you have inside you that needs to be written. I will be here waiting to read them.
It is your Substack. Write whatever you feel needs to be written. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and that you express very well. Looking at and reading things from people with different experiences makes life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things you have inside you that needs to be written. I will be here waiting to read them.
It is your Substack. Write whatever you feel needs to be written. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and that you express very well. Looking at and reading things from people with different experiences makes life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things you have inside you that needs to be written. I will be here waiting to read them.
I started reading the Stoics during Covid and it’s a nice philosophy to aim towards. Trying to accept that the only things you can control is how you react to events. What happened outside you is beyond your control. Seneca, Marcus and Ryan Holiday are all pretty enjoyable to read and study.
But of course, I have to ask do I really want to be tested like many Romans and Christian martyrs were? 🤔
Seriously... A movie of one's life is a false analogy. In a movie there are edits upon edits and there is control over the end. Darn it. If only.
So this starts as a false premise. Second. Whatever one's mind attends to is in control of one's life...
Sentimentality doesn't speak about life in a serious way. It doesn't give creedence to all the ways life can go off the rails even if you "follow the rules." Worse yet, it's the American Manifesto of doing life on your terms, your way, and the immodesty of believing that an individual is predominantly responsible for her rise or fall. The odds against you existing in the form you're in, is about 60 to 100 million to 1. Don't buy it? Ask a fertility specialist.
Dr. Hall, you are such a force for living life well and a blessing to us all! I’ve lived most of my married life in my husband’s shadow. There were times when I did charter my own course, and accomplished great fulfillment. With my husband’s passing after a long illness, I find myself totally free to start a brand new chapter fulfilling my potential even at 83! My goal is to get to the end of my life and feel like I’ve made a difference for the better, and that I’ve touched lives for the better too.
I view my life more as a series of books (or chapters in a really long one) with a basically positive story line complicated by plot twists that I sometimes throw in and which occasionally just seem to pop up on their own. I edit when I can if it seems necessary but, more often work to ensure that the subsequent action tracks positively and in accordance with the principles that underlie and provide the foundation that the story is built on. Some of the bad parts have been pretty tough, but I've always believed that the story was still worth working on. I'd take Fred Bassett's suggestion for an epitaph, it's not too bad, but I'd prefer "He left it a little better than he found it."
Thanks Deborah. It seems clear that ideals or principles without standards are just ideas, a fact that we're now discovering (again) in American politics. The concepts presented in the Declaration of Independence are beautiful ideas but, without consistent expectation that there will be equality under the law, the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are just dreams that may or may not be realized by any of us at any time. It is impossible for any of us to maintain a path toward realizing those ideals unless we have, hold, and live supporting moral and ethical standards in ourselves. I am not as consistent in living my principles as I'd like to be and ought to be, but, with the help of friends and regular introspection, I strive to make each day's performance a little better than the day before.
I think Mack Sennett is directing the movie of my life and sadly I'm not Edna Purviance,I'm Margaret Dumont. And that is NOT my choice,but God's since he gev me the genes at the moment of conception. I'm not accepting the rap for that. My life has been on the outside plodding and uneventful but in reality,real reality,my inner reality it's been a roller coaster.Only Mack Sennett could do it justice.
The "why" part bothers me. The answer to why is because. Why is endless. If we ask what and how, we can come to an understanding of our actions and take responsibility for them. Why did it happen? There are endless possibilities. What happened and how did it happen? That can lead us to see the truth of our actions.
I can understand asking why, and it leads to more whys. it's endless and is a great way to avoid taking responsibility for one's behavior. As you can probably gather, I'm a fan of Gestalt therapy. I like it that Perles didn't let his clients get away with bullshit.
Federico Fellini; Genetics (as in congenital ailments); Western Culture; SAD (seasonal affective disorder); randomness (I accept the fact that there are many things I can not control); the overly caffeinated monkeys in my mind (Have you ever noticed that if someone tells you not to think about something, that's all you can think about?); my spouse (why do I have to make all the decisions? She needs to share the load too, dontcha think? Plus, she edits my movie with only presumed consent); self delusion (we don't want to know everything, do we? Denial is underrated); the wind (Kansas says we're Dust In the Wind. If they're right, wind is the correct answer); our realization of our own mortality (This has books worth of control over who we are, how we react, and our ability to really see our movie as it is. There is actually a "The End" in our movie, or if it's a French movie, it's "Fin.") Commercials (they work very hard to make us feel that we are incomplete, out of style, or smelly. It must work because many of us are buying what they tell us to buy.);
Hopefully it is not "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing " when the final credits roll. Not everyone gets to change the world or even significant parts of it. If we make a small corner better by mattering to a few people we haven't done too bad.
I don't think there's a way we can really know what impact we have. The probabilities and possibilities are endless. I know some people brag about how many people showed up at their family member's funeral. That's not convincing to me.
I see your point. I really can't relate to the video clip. I have pretty much nothing in common with a group of talented people less than 1/2 my age with 2% body fat.
In my experience life is a series of compromises. Balancing what you desire with what you can achieve based on your circumstances and abilities. You give it your best shot and hope it turns out at least somewhat tolerable. You make your best decision based on your circumstances and who you are at that point in time. Then comes the kicker, living with that decision.
A long time ago I read someone, I don't remember who, who said he wanted his epitaph to be "He tried his damndest". At the end of the day we are all going to take the big dirt nap. Hopefully we will have tried our damndest.
It is your Substack write what you want. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and you express them very well. Looking at viewpoints and experiences different from mine make life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things that you have inside you that need to be written out. I will be here waiting to read them.
A hundred years ago when I was a young pup in my 30s, I started listening to a couple of "self help" authors. They spoke about how we keep playing the same tape over and over. They spoke about how we blame out instead of looking inside ourselves. And, I think it was Louise Hay who told us to forgive people: "They are doing the best they can with what they have to work with."
And then...I came across a paperback version of the Tao Te Ching translated freely by Stephen Mitchell. I keep it at my bedside table. The pages are yellowing. It's the most important book and event of my life. It is affirming and empowering.
Thank you for sharing your valuable insights, Bill.
I love the Louise hay quote. It is so true.
And I will look into the Tao Te Ching.
There are many, many versions which can feel obtuse or mysterious. This one is "approachable" :)
https://stephenmitchellbooks.com/translations-adaptations/tao-te-ching/
Thank you, Bill. I shall get this one.
It is your Substack. Write whatever you feel needs to be written. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and that you express very well. Looking at and reading things from people with different experiences makes life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things you have inside you that needs to be written. I will be here waiting to read them.
It is your Substack. Write whatever you feel needs to be written. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and that you express very well. Looking at and reading things from people with different experiences makes life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things you have inside you that needs to be written. I will be here waiting to read them.
It is your Substack. Write whatever you feel needs to be written. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and that you express very well. Looking at and reading things from people with different experiences makes life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things you have inside you that needs to be written. I will be here waiting to read them.
Thank you Dr. Hall. Your supportive words and encouragement bring me tears of joy. You have a special way of making me feel special.
I started reading the Stoics during Covid and it’s a nice philosophy to aim towards. Trying to accept that the only things you can control is how you react to events. What happened outside you is beyond your control. Seneca, Marcus and Ryan Holiday are all pretty enjoyable to read and study.
But of course, I have to ask do I really want to be tested like many Romans and Christian martyrs were? 🤔
Hi Kevin. Welcome!
I'm happy to see you here.
Isn't it cool that during Covid a lot of us read actual books!
I haven't read the Stoics yet.
Thanks for recommending three to look into.
I do say the Serenity Prayer on the need to accept
what is beyond our control.
To me, the challenge is to not accept
becoming a bystander.
I am not a bystander in today's America
but neither could I bear to be tested as a martyr.
Navalney was thrown to the lions.
As he said to us, years before he was murdered:
“I’ve got something very obvious to tell you.
You’re not allowed to give up.”
Seriously... A movie of one's life is a false analogy. In a movie there are edits upon edits and there is control over the end. Darn it. If only.
So this starts as a false premise. Second. Whatever one's mind attends to is in control of one's life...
Sentimentality doesn't speak about life in a serious way. It doesn't give creedence to all the ways life can go off the rails even if you "follow the rules." Worse yet, it's the American Manifesto of doing life on your terms, your way, and the immodesty of believing that an individual is predominantly responsible for her rise or fall. The odds against you existing in the form you're in, is about 60 to 100 million to 1. Don't buy it? Ask a fertility specialist.
You always bring valuable ideas to the table, B.
You and I both like to think hard and serious.
I have been thinking about what you say
and will continue to do so.
Maybe all we can do is try our damndest.
Dr. Hall, you are such a force for living life well and a blessing to us all! I’ve lived most of my married life in my husband’s shadow. There were times when I did charter my own course, and accomplished great fulfillment. With my husband’s passing after a long illness, I find myself totally free to start a brand new chapter fulfilling my potential even at 83! My goal is to get to the end of my life and feel like I’ve made a difference for the better, and that I’ve touched lives for the better too.
What a lovely goal, Joanne, to touch lives for the better.
You will discover the way that is YOUR gift
when you see someone light up from your connection.
You have already touched my life more than you would know.
I rejoice in your new found freedom!
I view my life more as a series of books (or chapters in a really long one) with a basically positive story line complicated by plot twists that I sometimes throw in and which occasionally just seem to pop up on their own. I edit when I can if it seems necessary but, more often work to ensure that the subsequent action tracks positively and in accordance with the principles that underlie and provide the foundation that the story is built on. Some of the bad parts have been pretty tough, but I've always believed that the story was still worth working on. I'd take Fred Bassett's suggestion for an epitaph, it's not too bad, but I'd prefer "He left it a little better than he found it."
Dave,
I love how you emphasize ensuring that your life proceeds
in accordance with the principles it was built on.
Our individual life is built on a foundation
that was mostly given to us by others.
You and Fred are on the same page on epitaphs :)
And you both make this place Solutions better than you found it!
Yes, all of our stories are well worth working on.
By staying connected we can encourage each other
through the inevitable tough parts.
Thanks Deborah. It seems clear that ideals or principles without standards are just ideas, a fact that we're now discovering (again) in American politics. The concepts presented in the Declaration of Independence are beautiful ideas but, without consistent expectation that there will be equality under the law, the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are just dreams that may or may not be realized by any of us at any time. It is impossible for any of us to maintain a path toward realizing those ideals unless we have, hold, and live supporting moral and ethical standards in ourselves. I am not as consistent in living my principles as I'd like to be and ought to be, but, with the help of friends and regular introspection, I strive to make each day's performance a little better than the day before.
Yes yes Dave, I am entirely WITH you on this.
As you lay out so clearly here: We must have standards!
We must have "consistent expectation that there will be equality under the law."
We must "have, hold, and live supporting moral and ethical standards in ourselves."
Like you, I continually aspire to live and write according to these high standards,
as our Founding Fathers knew would be necessary for us to keep our Republic.
Doing so and inspiring and encouraging others to do so
is how we will strengthen the foundations of our freedom.
I think Mack Sennett is directing the movie of my life and sadly I'm not Edna Purviance,I'm Margaret Dumont. And that is NOT my choice,but God's since he gev me the genes at the moment of conception. I'm not accepting the rap for that. My life has been on the outside plodding and uneventful but in reality,real reality,my inner reality it's been a roller coaster.Only Mack Sennett could do it justice.
Welcome, Jane!
Sounds like your movie is quite a trip :)
Had to look up Matt Sennett,
and now I see what you mean when you say
only he "could do it justice" :)
I love your wry sense of humor! (e.g., "not accepting the rap")
Let's none of us accept the rap
for anything we had nothing to do with.
Solutions is a place where we can look together
at "reality. real reality...inner reality," as you put it.
I share mine, you share yours.
I offer ideas, you offer yours.
Together we find solutions we can build upon.
We are building the foundations of a strong and free life
that feels less like a roller coaster
and more like riding our favorite horse down a country road.
Only you can choose your own reaction.
Yet again, you nail it Stanley.
And in only 7 words this time.
Yes, each of us CHOOSES our own reaction.
Consciously, unconsciously, or both.
We also choose (and unconsciously seek)
the reaction we get from from our reaction:)
If we are cynical, provocative, combative
we invite our target to counterattack.
Haha then we feel victimized when they do.
Once we realize what a sad game we are playing
we can decide to choose a more constructive reaction.
The "why" part bothers me. The answer to why is because. Why is endless. If we ask what and how, we can come to an understanding of our actions and take responsibility for them. Why did it happen? There are endless possibilities. What happened and how did it happen? That can lead us to see the truth of our actions.
Herr, I hear you that you see asking the what and the how
as the key to understanding the truth of our actions.
I shall seek to address both of those dimensions in my letters.
Being an analyst, however, it has always been the why
that interests me most.
Hopefully I will not give anyone an overdose
of my pursuit of that question :):)
I can understand asking why, and it leads to more whys. it's endless and is a great way to avoid taking responsibility for one's behavior. As you can probably gather, I'm a fan of Gestalt therapy. I like it that Perles didn't let his clients get away with bullshit.
Herr,
I agree with you that Gestalt therapy is highly valuable.
The best therapies include taking responsibility for our own lives.
Whatever we misuse to avoid taking responsibility is a big problem.
If someone is using why to avoid facing themselves and their own responsibility
I'm with Perles--I don't let them get away with bullshit either :)
You sound like the type of therpist that I'd want to go to.
I enjoy reading your posts and your thoughtful responses.
Thank you so much, Herr.
That you feel that way about me
and the letters I write
makes me so happy.
oops
sorry I printed that twice
well, it did, then it disappeared :)
Sometimes one can discover good coming out of bad.
True, and that doesn't need a why, it needs a what and a how asked.
Federico Fellini; Genetics (as in congenital ailments); Western Culture; SAD (seasonal affective disorder); randomness (I accept the fact that there are many things I can not control); the overly caffeinated monkeys in my mind (Have you ever noticed that if someone tells you not to think about something, that's all you can think about?); my spouse (why do I have to make all the decisions? She needs to share the load too, dontcha think? Plus, she edits my movie with only presumed consent); self delusion (we don't want to know everything, do we? Denial is underrated); the wind (Kansas says we're Dust In the Wind. If they're right, wind is the correct answer); our realization of our own mortality (This has books worth of control over who we are, how we react, and our ability to really see our movie as it is. There is actually a "The End" in our movie, or if it's a French movie, it's "Fin.") Commercials (they work very hard to make us feel that we are incomplete, out of style, or smelly. It must work because many of us are buying what they tell us to buy.);
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
Ha! Love your humor/serious/humor, B.
So you are a Fellini!!! I shoulda known it!!!
But you are funnier than the Fellini movies I recall.
And me, I'm an Alain Resnais new wave French movie...
This explains how differently we view the universe.
I learned French to read Camus
and have watched many French movies.
Became obsessed with Alain Resnais's masterpiece Hiroshima Mon Amour.
Thought I wanted to become a script writer
but became a psychoanalyst instead.
Now I analyze my own and other people's scripts :)
Hopefully it is not "a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing " when the final credits roll. Not everyone gets to change the world or even significant parts of it. If we make a small corner better by mattering to a few people we haven't done too bad.
I don't think there's a way we can really know what impact we have. The probabilities and possibilities are endless. I know some people brag about how many people showed up at their family member's funeral. That's not convincing to me.
I think we can touch way more people that we think we can,
especially if we have the opportunity to teach or to write,
but they ain't coming to our funeral:)
I find the movie It's A Wonderful Life convincing
as an allegory on the impact we have that we don't realize.
I see your point. I really can't relate to the video clip. I have pretty much nothing in common with a group of talented people less than 1/2 my age with 2% body fat.
In my experience life is a series of compromises. Balancing what you desire with what you can achieve based on your circumstances and abilities. You give it your best shot and hope it turns out at least somewhat tolerable. You make your best decision based on your circumstances and who you are at that point in time. Then comes the kicker, living with that decision.
A long time ago I read someone, I don't remember who, who said he wanted his epitaph to be "He tried his damndest". At the end of the day we are all going to take the big dirt nap. Hopefully we will have tried our damndest.
Thank you for your constructive feedback, Fred.
Yeah, I could probably have left out the video clip.
Reminds me not to think everyone else will find something hilarious
just because I do :)
Also, my readers range in age from teens all the way up,
so hitting the spot in a letter or song or video
means conveying ideas we can all grow from considering.
Thank you for all your thoughtful comments
that you share each week.
It is your Substack write what you want. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and you express them very well. Looking at viewpoints and experiences different from mine make life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things that you have inside you that need to be written out. I will be here waiting to read them.
Thank you, Fred.
Yes, I will do that.
I will write the things inside me that need to be written out.
I am touched and honored that you will be here
waiting to read my letters.