You have probably watched some movies that have left you wondering
“Who the heck is directing this thing?!?!”
Maybe the plot wandered all over like a cow in New Delhi,
or was so stone cold boring you were falling asleep,
or had so many speedy twists and turns you got whiplash.
“Is this the best they could DO???” you ask.
Well, what about your life…
Who is directing it, and how is your story going?
My favorite video
I have a favorite video I have watched dozens of times,
and I’ve danced to the song many more times than that.
Camila Cabello in Havana.
You may have already seen it, but do take another look.
Watch when she’s in the movie theater,
and what happens at the end of the movie.
click here for Camila Cabello in Havana video
Going for it
In the video, what does the star of the love story say
when the girl watching it gets upset with her
over the unhappy ending?
“Hey, sweetie–If you don’t like my movie, go write your own!”
So she does.
She creates her own love story, with a happy ending
that is in fact her new beginning.
In her video, as in real life, Camila Cabello goes for it.
I find this inspiring.
Makes me laugh, makes me happy,
just like the song does—every time I dance to it.
So who’s directing Camila’s life?
Sure looks like she is.
What about you?
What about your movie?
How is your story going?
And who would you say is directing it?
If it’s going well, you probably won’t mind seeing your name on the credits.
But if this flick is making you kind of queasy,
you may wish to deny you had anything to do with it!
Facing the music
I get it.
There are segments of my life that I would like to forget ever happened.
It was much easier to blame my parents, my circumstances, other people.
I did a lot of that before I went into psychoanalysis
and found out how much of my pain had not been inevitable.
How much I had unconsciously constructed myself.
Ugh. That was tough medicine to swallow.
But my recognition meant I could deconstruct
the unconscious cause of my own suffering
as well as the cause of the suffering I had inflicted on others.
Doing so has made all the difference.
Taking responsibility
OK.
So if you aren’t thrilled with how your story is unfolding, what do you do?
The key is to take full responsibility for your own life.
You must face the fact that, both consciously and unconsciously,
you are the director.
Accepting this fact is the only way
you will have the power to create a new path.
As long as you view someone else as the director of your life,
you are giving them the power.
If you give away your power
you will either sit there and suffer (take a passive victim position)
or
you will rage against whoever or whatever
you hold responsible for your pain.
You will keep your focus outward,
and never face your own responsibility.
You will avoid facing your own malevolence toward yourself
and others.
Never facing and challenging the negative depths of your own psyche
means you will never have full freedom,
no matter what social changes may occur around you.
You will still feel like a bad actor stuck in a lousy movie
repeating the same old painful scenes.
Reclaiming your life
But once you stand up, fully aware and fully responsible,
as the director of your own life,
you are never stuck, in any permanent way.
There is more of your story yet to be written,
and you can write it and direct it anew,
with your own fully aware best self.
It is never too late to reclaim your life
even if it has been lost for a long time.
Mine was lost for years.
I came back. So can you.
It is a wonderful feeling to re-emerge,
this time taking responsibility for your own life.
Taking responsibility doesn’t mean heaping blame on yourself.
It’s not about blame.
It’s about explaining and understanding yourself:
why you did what you did.
And finding new solutions.
As you do this, you will need to be merciful and forgiving
toward yourself and others.
You are reclaiming your power.
The power to move in a new direction.
The capability to create a new beginning.
You have more power than you realize.
You are more capable than you think.
Dr. Hall
Question:
Was there a time when you became the director of your life?
Or is that moment still to come?
A hundred years ago when I was a young pup in my 30s, I started listening to a couple of "self help" authors. They spoke about how we keep playing the same tape over and over. They spoke about how we blame out instead of looking inside ourselves. And, I think it was Louise Hay who told us to forgive people: "They are doing the best they can with what they have to work with."
And then...I came across a paperback version of the Tao Te Ching translated freely by Stephen Mitchell. I keep it at my bedside table. The pages are yellowing. It's the most important book and event of my life. It is affirming and empowering.
It is your Substack. Write whatever you feel needs to be written. I don't watch professional sports or listen to rap music but enough people do to allow folks with talent in those fields to do very well for themselves.
I subscribed to you because you have experiences and viewpoints that I don't have and that you express very well. Looking at and reading things from people with different experiences makes life interesting and gets me out of my rut.
Write the things you have inside you that needs to be written. I will be here waiting to read them.