Who is your best friend?

Dear friend,
I realize this question may be painful
for some of us.

We may be thinking…best friend?
I don’t have any friends,
let alone a best one.

If this is the case
we are better off to face it
than to think we have lots of friends–
only to find out they’re not real.

There’s nothing worse
than watching the people
we thought were our friends

disappear

when we lose our job

our partner

our health

our mind.

So, what IS a real friend?

These days we friend this person and that person
and brag about how many Facebook friends we have...

But do we think deeply about what a real friend is?

Let me offer you an ideal picture.

A true friend:

1. Is honest. Never lies to me. Tells me the truth even when I don’t want to hear it.

2. Is reliable. Keeps their commitments to me, does what they say they will do.

3. Listens. Seeks to understand what I say, what I need. Comprehends who I really am.

4. Values who I am. Finds the best in me and supports my efforts to fulfill my life goals.

5. Never abandons me. Is always there for me. Stands by me through thick and thin.

6. Is kind and caring. Makes me feel safe. Comforts me in loss, pain, fear, illness, defeat.

7. Forgives me my weaknesses and failings when I screw up. Doesn’t make it worse.

8. Stands up for me when I am unjustly accused or mistreated; rallies me to do same.

9. Praises my efforts and accomplishments. Celebrates my victories with me.

10. Is not a member of the outrage culture—
does not tear others down online, in person, nor behind their back.
(If they do this, it is only a matter of time before they will tear ME down.)

The people in our life

Now let’s think about the people in our life.

Maybe make a little list of those living
as well as those who have passed away
whom we can see are our true friends.

Let’s thoughtfully and gratefully reflect
on these dear persons.

Let’s realize how fortunate we are
that they do (or did) their best
to relate with us
in at least some of the loyal ways described above.

OOPS– but we forgot someone!

Did you notice that there is someone missing
from our list?

Alas, we tend to forget this person entirely
when we think about our friends!

Hmmm…

who could it be?

……….

The person missing is ourselves.

We may not have realized it yet

but the person we most need

to be a true friend

indeed

to be our best friend

throughout our whole life

is the person looking back at us in the mirror.

So let’s look ourselves in the eyes today
and gently ask:

How good a friend am I to MYSELF?

How many of the ideal characteristics
of a true friend
do I have
in my relationship with me?

The big picture

Adding it all up…

If there is anyone (other than God)
who is being a better friend to us
than we are being to ourselves…

it just means we have some work to do.

A great place to start
is to choose the ideal characteristic
that we would most value further growth in.

As we become a better friend to ourselves,
we establish a stronger central core.

We build up our character
and our emotional strength and well being.

All aspects of our life go better.


Fortunately
becoming our own best friend
is very possible to do,
once we decide to.

Yes, it is challenging to change,
but take it from me—

changing ourselves
is a whole lot easier than changing other people.

Blessings,

Dr. Hall

Question:

What have you found gets in the way of being your own best friend?