Dear friend, There are many qualities that are nice to have: good looks, talent, sense of humor… If we have them it certainly makes life more pleasant and our path forward easier. But as far as achieving success in reaching our goals there is one quality that tops them all:
Re. your question about what experience has required the most tenacity:
For me it isn’t one but many repeated experiences of my male colleagues making sexist, misogynistic comments to me, for example, “We need more students. How about you get up and table dance to recruit them?” Or, “Why are you here? You really should be home looking after your children.”
Or, regarding a book I was writing, “There aren’t any Black women writers. They’re too busy having too many babies.”
And when I responded with tenacity (and sometimes with anger) to such comments, my male colleagues would just laugh and say “Oh, I was just joking . Don’t you have any sense of humour?”
That’s when my tenacity broke down, and I would just stamp away furiously.
I wonder what I should have done??
P.S. I was the only woman in the department, so I had no other woman to turn to for help in dealing with my sexist male colleagues. I do think it is difficult for a woman to be tenacious in such circumstances.
Robert Service was a contemporary of Kipling and others. Imperialism and jingoistic nationalism were the order of the day and manliness was celebrated in western culture. He was a product of his time. His poetry endures, especially in Canada and Alaska. "The Cremation of Sam McGee" is a hoot.
A certain quote comes to mind "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men (people) with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent".- Calvin Coolidge
This poem got me through rough patches. Soulmate has gone so far as to suggest that I am stubborn! Anyone who knows me at all will see that I am persistent. I don't know how she gets it so wrong.
Dr. Deborah: Thank you for the trip down memory lane, and for sharing your inspiring story! I needed a shot of that this Friday morning. I am exhausted and ready for a vacation. I remember repeating the mantra to my daughters, during my single mom years, (when it seemed like it was us against the world at times), “Can’t is NOT a word in our vocabulary!”
Only five more days until we can hit the road and be reunited again with our beloved family! SO excited & proud! Two college graduates to celebrate! My firstborn daughter & her firstborn son (my first grandson) will be earning their degrees within a week of each other! Thank you for your kind and caring words, Deborah .🙏🏻🌹🎉
I'll try and make this short. Jan. 12, 1968, I met a young woman, we fell in love and in Nov. she had to return to her home country. We agreed to get together in her country. Various circumstances prevented that meeting and a;though we never stopped thinking about each other, we never saw each other again until 2yrs. after her husband died in 2011. At that point, one of her daughters found me on facebook, her mother contacted me, and after 44 yrs. she came to the US and we married. Her watch word is; I never give up.
I’m not sure if I’m tenacious. A while ago a Marine gave me the nickname “frogedy.” When I asked him why, he replied, “because you jump into everything.” It’s like listening to a child’s cry of “I want.” I never analyzed a decision, just jumped in to do it! Now at 83 I find that I’ve done it again! A friend from the charity organization Homes For Our Troops is coming to visit me for just a couple of days. I decided on the spot that I didn’t want to send her home with just a hug, so I’m putting on an auction/fundraiser! Most of the items are my own beloved collections, hoping to find new homes for them while I’m still alive. I’ve never done anything like this, and yes feel way over my head, but come this Sunday, come what may, I will have seen it through and have done my best! Is that being tenacious?
Thank you so much for your supportive comments. I feel like you are my number one cheerleader! The fundraiser is over, and though we didn’t get the turnout I was hoping for, we did raise a decent amount of money. I was content that I had done my best. Having a wheelchair bound soldier, who received one of the custom built houses from Homes For Our Troops, drive 3 hours to be at this event made one of those lifetime memories. What I wouldn’t advise is to be present at the time your precious belongings are being auctioned off! I realized later that the emotions I were feeling was like being alive at one’s wake! Not a good feeling!
Re. your question about what experience has required the most tenacity:
For me it isn’t one but many repeated experiences of my male colleagues making sexist, misogynistic comments to me, for example, “We need more students. How about you get up and table dance to recruit them?” Or, “Why are you here? You really should be home looking after your children.”
Or, regarding a book I was writing, “There aren’t any Black women writers. They’re too busy having too many babies.”
And when I responded with tenacity (and sometimes with anger) to such comments, my male colleagues would just laugh and say “Oh, I was just joking . Don’t you have any sense of humour?”
That’s when my tenacity broke down, and I would just stamp away furiously.
I wonder what I should have done??
P.S. I was the only woman in the department, so I had no other woman to turn to for help in dealing with my sexist male colleagues. I do think it is difficult for a woman to be tenacious in such circumstances.
Patricia,
These psychological abuses you lived through
are extremely painful.
It is highly constructive of you
to bring them to light here
so we all can see what goes on
when weak men feel threatened
simply by the presence of strong women.
Your personal experiences illustrate
that there are many situations
where tenacity alone does not suffice.
You showed admirable tenacity
in not quitting your position.
But shutting the mouths
of misogynists and sexists
(who are usually racists as well)
so you can be free to enjoy
your position in a mostly male environment
is a much tougher challenge.
Let's do a strategic analysis of the assaults
of misogynists.
THEIR GOAL:
These losers despise women.
They have only one mission: to humiliate you.
THEIR TECHNIQUE
They have one primary technique: provocation.
THEIR STRATEGY
They seek to provoke you.
Make you lose your cool.
Lose your professional dignity.
They seek to provoke you into impotent rage
--which is what they believe their Bad Mother
did to THEM from the time they were born.
In their unconscious mind, you ARE their Bad Mother
against whom they now seek to take sadistic revenge.
They seek the sadistic pleasure
of watching you experience a humiliating meltdown
(tears, rage, angry words, stomping, etc.)
It is the sight and sound of you BEING provoked
into tears/rage/angry words/actions
that EQUALS their victory.
It PROVES to them their superior power over you,
the hated and despised Bad Mother.
They feel they have asserted their power over you
--and WON!!!
Their phony show of "power" is a defensive refutation
of their actual weak passive unmanly condition.
HOW TO DEFEAT THEM
Let's look at their provocations
and consider a few potential responses
that would foil their folly:
"We need more students.
How about you get up and table dance to recruit them?”
Delighted, eye to eye response:
"I bet that's how YOU were recruited!
Dumb guys ALWAYS follow their crotch!"
You break into a grin, laughing loudly:
"See? I have a GREAT sense of humor!"
as you stride away with a nonchalant gait.
"Why are you here?
You really should be home looking after your children.”
Dead sober, earnest, eye to eye response:
"YES, Mother.
You are SOOO right.
I really should, Mother.
Otherwise they won't turn out
ALL POWERFUL, like YOU!"
as you walk away
nodding your head in agreement.
“There aren’t any Black women writers.
They’re too busy having too many babies.”
You shake your head sadly,
looking him in the eyes:
"I think YOUR mother had one too many."
as you walk away with a grieving look.
What is happening here?
The key thing is: You. Are. Not. Provoked.
Their entire strategy of provocation
has utterly flopped.
You didn't REACT.
You remained totally above them.
It is obvious by your responses
that they have no power over you whatsoever.
You are enjoying yourself, your life, your freedom,
your strength, your power, your position.
They haven't made a single dent in it.
Your composed and pithy responses
to their pathetic efforts to provoke you
make them look....
RIDICULOUS
WEAK and
IMPOTENT.
Which is precisely what they are.
Robert Service was a contemporary of Kipling and others. Imperialism and jingoistic nationalism were the order of the day and manliness was celebrated in western culture. He was a product of his time. His poetry endures, especially in Canada and Alaska. "The Cremation of Sam McGee" is a hoot.
Hahaha I read that inspired ballad long ago, Fred
And again just now...
Had forgotten the ending
so it took me by surprise again :)
Service sure knew how to spin
a rich and rowdy yarn
Your stories contain flashes of his grin
YES!
Thank you for giving me the word to use.
When describing myself, I had been using the word "stubborn."
I knew it was a strength.
Now I see it is actually "TENACITY" that is my strength.
I DO want to see what the end will be.
The goal begins with the idea, with the dream.
You blazed the trail, and now it is a path others can follow.
Thank you!
Yes indeed, Beverly
I can see that TENACITY is the flag
of your own private country.
Mine too, along with AUDACITY :)
We boomers
took to our heart, mind and soul
the ideas and the vision
in JFK's Inaugural Address
and MLK's I Have a Dream.
We are a tenacious lot.
We continue unstoppably living out JFK's words:
Ask not what your country can do for you.
Ask what you can do for your country.
May God bless you, Beverly,
in all your faithful and tenacious service to America
as we rebuild the center,
revive and rebirth our democracy.
Tenacity has kept me going when it was much easier to quit.
The point of "deciding" is the moment when obstacles and any form of resistance is broken.
I remember watching Nightbirde perform on AGT...very emotional.
Thank you Deborah for this beautiful piece.
You are very welcome, Olusegun.
I am so happy that you found my letter beautiful.
O my, Olusegun,
you give us a totally new and vital insight here!
I never knew this, never thought of this:
"The point of 'deciding' is the moment when obstacles
and any form of resistance is broken."
Obstacles and resistance
are BROKEN.
BROKEN.
BROKEN in the moment of decision!!!
Wow that is powerful insight.
If you ever feel called to deliver a psychological sermon, brother,
you could PREACH on THIS one.
A certain quote comes to mind "Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not: nothing is more common than unsuccessful men (people) with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not: the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent".- Calvin Coolidge
Ha!
Thank you for this great quote.
Leave it to ol' Calvin to lay it out:
"Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."
Yes, indeed.
Without tenacity we are screwed.
With it we can do damn near anything.
That's what Coolidge means by omnipotent.
It's a pretty close synonym for unstoppable.
I sometimes think my dreams are grandiose...
except I keep making them real :)
The bigger the vision
the more fun it is
to prove the naysayers wrong.
https://allpoetry.com/The-Quitter
This poem got me through rough patches. Soulmate has gone so far as to suggest that I am stubborn! Anyone who knows me at all will see that I am persistent. I don't know how she gets it so wrong.
Fred,
Thank you for sharing this poem with us.
I can feel the encouragement
of the poet's words
challenging us not to quit.
I am so glad you had this poem
to strengthen you through rough times.
I take issue only with its title.
"The Quitter" is a sadistic epithet.
The poet must have harbored insecurity
causing him to need to feel superior
by choosing such a cruel title.
None of us is superior
to the person who cannot bear to go on.
Our only response to those who give up
is tenderness and compassion.
We are so sorry they had
more pain than they could bear.
We honor them through
redoubling our own commitment
to keep fighting for life.
Self visualization is the key for positive progress.
You are right, Stanley.
Thank you for your insight.
SEEING yourself progress
embodies the decision to do so.
Dr. Deborah: Thank you for the trip down memory lane, and for sharing your inspiring story! I needed a shot of that this Friday morning. I am exhausted and ready for a vacation. I remember repeating the mantra to my daughters, during my single mom years, (when it seemed like it was us against the world at times), “Can’t is NOT a word in our vocabulary!”
Geri,
I can just hear you and see you
declaring your invincible soul
as you taught your daughters
how to live
how to overcome
how to maintain their brave and loving spirit
through everything they would ever face!
Yes they too will get exhausted.
They too will need to take a vacation.
But they too always declare "I CAN!"
I can work AND I can take a vacation :) !!!
Only five more days until we can hit the road and be reunited again with our beloved family! SO excited & proud! Two college graduates to celebrate! My firstborn daughter & her firstborn son (my first grandson) will be earning their degrees within a week of each other! Thank you for your kind and caring words, Deborah .🙏🏻🌹🎉
O what a glorious road trip and reunion
O what triumphant celebrations
Your daughter AND your grandson
Sweet fruits
of all your loving labors
Life does not get any better than this, Geri
With happy tears
I rejoice for you and with you
I'll try and make this short. Jan. 12, 1968, I met a young woman, we fell in love and in Nov. she had to return to her home country. We agreed to get together in her country. Various circumstances prevented that meeting and a;though we never stopped thinking about each other, we never saw each other again until 2yrs. after her husband died in 2011. At that point, one of her daughters found me on facebook, her mother contacted me, and after 44 yrs. she came to the US and we married. Her watch word is; I never give up.
Thank you for sharing
your great love story with us, geo.
We see the value of tenacity writ large.
The watch word of your beloved wife
expresses her beautiful unstoppable essence.
You both found a gem
and never let go of it.
When the time was right
for it to shine
you shined it with joy.
Thanks Deborah for that inspiration.
David,
Thank you so much for telling me
that my letter was an inspiration for you.
That is always my goal.
It is deeply encouraging to hear
that I reached my goal this week with you.
I’m not sure if I’m tenacious. A while ago a Marine gave me the nickname “frogedy.” When I asked him why, he replied, “because you jump into everything.” It’s like listening to a child’s cry of “I want.” I never analyzed a decision, just jumped in to do it! Now at 83 I find that I’ve done it again! A friend from the charity organization Homes For Our Troops is coming to visit me for just a couple of days. I decided on the spot that I didn’t want to send her home with just a hug, so I’m putting on an auction/fundraiser! Most of the items are my own beloved collections, hoping to find new homes for them while I’m still alive. I’ve never done anything like this, and yes feel way over my head, but come this Sunday, come what may, I will have seen it through and have done my best! Is that being tenacious?
O Joanne,
when you ask:
Is that being tenacious?
Herr says it all: You betcha.
You are FAST tenacious.
That Marine named you well.
You are Frogedy.
You don't mull.
You don't meander.
You jump right in.
Over your head?
Of course!
Who wants to jump into a pond
where you hit bottom???
Your JUMP is your decision.
Your motto: All in and gonna win.
Fast tenacity is a rare
and beautiful capability, Joanne.
You go, girl.
Thank you so much for your supportive comments. I feel like you are my number one cheerleader! The fundraiser is over, and though we didn’t get the turnout I was hoping for, we did raise a decent amount of money. I was content that I had done my best. Having a wheelchair bound soldier, who received one of the custom built houses from Homes For Our Troops, drive 3 hours to be at this event made one of those lifetime memories. What I wouldn’t advise is to be present at the time your precious belongings are being auctioned off! I realized later that the emotions I were feeling was like being alive at one’s wake! Not a good feeling!
What a powerful lifetime memory, Joanne.
Seeing that wheelchair bound soldier come to this event.
He is living in his very own custom built house
and you are part of giving him this beautiful joy.
We who read this story feel great pride in you
for donating your lifelong treasures
so another person can have new life.
That is pretty close to being an organ donor
and yes it was hard to watch the operation.
No wonder you felt as if you were
attending your own wake!
I wouldn't want to attend mine either.
Mind you, our own funeral is another matter.
Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer attended theirs
with great relish.
They got to hear all the town folk
earnestly weeping
and fervently praising their sainted characters.
It was worth the price of admission
...which alas was a tan hiding
when they were found out.
You betcha.