When we were children, we were taught to say “Thank you.” Some of us were even taught to write thank you letters! Do you remember being sat down to do that? Does thanking someone still feel like a duty, not a joy? To appear civilized, we know we must
Honestly, it came down to two choices, Deborah. I could live in grief, anger and bitterness (which were probably warranted), or I could wrap up those corrosive emotions, put them in one of Elon's rockets, and fire them toward the sun to melt with Icarus.
I chose the latter. Turned out to be the right choice.
You have hit on the key, which is awareness and a step away from ourselves as the focus of everything we experience. As I spend more time on earth, I've become increasingly grateful for the friends and family that I've been blessed with and who have sustained me through good times as well as bad. I'm even more grateful that I can, now, make some small positive contributions to their lives, not as payment, but in appreciation for what they've enabled me to become. Still very much a work in progress.
I have often noticed a tension between gratefulness and the aspirational urge toward bettering oneself, one's plight, others' horrid situations, and the urge to find and create solutions to bedeviling problems. This is where anxiety, guilt, and love can propel one out of a state of complacency and toward positive action. At its best, gratefulness should ameliorate anxiety and relieve the desire for "more." One can be grateful to exist, to have friends, to be healthy, etc. Otoh, couldn't gratefulness for one's sitz en leben quickly lead to complacency? We can and probably should desire to be more selfless, more helpful, more patient. Right?
I FEEL grateful for being "given" a baby. Does that actually mean and objectively report that I was the intended recipient of something from an invisible, force, personality, power, energy? Or, do I just understand how amazing biology really is and attribute that feeling of joy to a mysterious cause?
Do feelings or personal experiences count as a report of actual events or are they creations of traditional, ephemeral, and cultural identity? Gratefulness feels good. It's a state of mind that relieves one from the weight of always focusing on oneself. Yet does it reflect any reality that one was given something by a power that feels like it's outside of perceived reality? In other words, I exist for reasons of biological reproduction. It doesn't sound as romantic as the feeling of being mysteriously created, but it appears to be the most likely cause.
It's great to be alive, though I have nothing to compare it to because I don't know what non-existence feels like. So, we might as well make the best of it. Sunshine feels good and we should go out and try to help other people feel better. This is the joie de vivre.
Much wisdom here. Gratitude is the gateway to happiness or contentment. I am not a person who seeks happiness, I'm more of a contentment type. If I have an inner well of stillness I can draw from during tough times I'm good. That well is replenished by the look in the eyes of my Soulmate, walks in the woods with a neurotic velcro dog, a warm house on a cold day, good books, good food, and dozens of other things. There is much to be grateful for if one will pause and look for it. Thank you for reminding us to do that.
I'm grateful for my wife, whom I met in 1968 and married in 2013, after not seeing her for 45 yrs. I'm grateful for her 2 daughters that treat me as if I was their father. I'm grateful to be living in a counthe try where no one cares what my origins are and I can walk around without being shot at or attacked. Te list seems endless.
A vastly underrated virtue, Deborah. I've learned to be grateful just in the past four years. It is the perfect bridge to happiness and peace.
Your past four years have doubtless been one hell of a journey.
Few emerge stronger after such terrible losses, Jim.
That you found the perfect bridge to happiness and peace
is one hell of a victory.
He who dares wins...
and you have won
by daring to be grateful
Honestly, it came down to two choices, Deborah. I could live in grief, anger and bitterness (which were probably warranted), or I could wrap up those corrosive emotions, put them in one of Elon's rockets, and fire them toward the sun to melt with Icarus.
I chose the latter. Turned out to be the right choice.
It sure did, Jim. It sure did.
I rejoice in your choice.
Making your audacious decision
to live in freedom
was a gift to all of us
who value who you are
and all that you contribute to life.
You have hit on the key, which is awareness and a step away from ourselves as the focus of everything we experience. As I spend more time on earth, I've become increasingly grateful for the friends and family that I've been blessed with and who have sustained me through good times as well as bad. I'm even more grateful that I can, now, make some small positive contributions to their lives, not as payment, but in appreciation for what they've enabled me to become. Still very much a work in progress.
Dave,
Thank you for affirming that the key
to becoming a more grateful person is awareness.
I only recently started to realize that this is the key.
And now I also see that it takes deep thought
to become more aware.
Reacting to things (such as when we rant) doesn't take deep thought
but becoming more aware of our blessings sure does.
And thank you for giving me a new awareness!
That--like you--I can be grateful "that I can, now,
make some small positive contributions" to the lives of others,
"not as payment, but in appreciation
for what they have enabled me to become."
And yeah, like you I am "still very much a work in progress."
As Dylan wrote: he not busy being born is busy dying
And if we ever stop learning, we're already dead and just hanging around, taking up space.
I have often noticed a tension between gratefulness and the aspirational urge toward bettering oneself, one's plight, others' horrid situations, and the urge to find and create solutions to bedeviling problems. This is where anxiety, guilt, and love can propel one out of a state of complacency and toward positive action. At its best, gratefulness should ameliorate anxiety and relieve the desire for "more." One can be grateful to exist, to have friends, to be healthy, etc. Otoh, couldn't gratefulness for one's sitz en leben quickly lead to complacency? We can and probably should desire to be more selfless, more helpful, more patient. Right?
I FEEL grateful for being "given" a baby. Does that actually mean and objectively report that I was the intended recipient of something from an invisible, force, personality, power, energy? Or, do I just understand how amazing biology really is and attribute that feeling of joy to a mysterious cause?
Do feelings or personal experiences count as a report of actual events or are they creations of traditional, ephemeral, and cultural identity? Gratefulness feels good. It's a state of mind that relieves one from the weight of always focusing on oneself. Yet does it reflect any reality that one was given something by a power that feels like it's outside of perceived reality? In other words, I exist for reasons of biological reproduction. It doesn't sound as romantic as the feeling of being mysteriously created, but it appears to be the most likely cause.
It's great to be alive, though I have nothing to compare it to because I don't know what non-existence feels like. So, we might as well make the best of it. Sunshine feels good and we should go out and try to help other people feel better. This is the joie de vivre.
B,
Thank you for all the thought you put into your response to my letter.
I greatly enjoy your joie de vivre.
We are on the same page that "we should go out
and try to help other people feel better."
That is what life is for, whether we believe in God or not.
I value your mind, your fearless intelligence,
your perspective and your original insights.
You may think it is kind of funny
that a faith-besotted writer like me
takes joy in her thoughts being challenged.
But I do.
I value the opportunity to consider different ways of seeing life
so that I can learn and grow.
I feel no need to defend how I see life now or in the past
because I am not claiming to be "right," then or now.
When you see something differently than I do
I have no feeling that you are "wrong" and need to be corrected.
Your perspective that life is biological not spiritual
is just as valid as mine.
I can no more prove there is a God than you can prove there isn't.
We simply have different ways of arriving at our view.
Vive la difference,
and let's go out there together
and try to help other people feel better.
Much wisdom here. Gratitude is the gateway to happiness or contentment. I am not a person who seeks happiness, I'm more of a contentment type. If I have an inner well of stillness I can draw from during tough times I'm good. That well is replenished by the look in the eyes of my Soulmate, walks in the woods with a neurotic velcro dog, a warm house on a cold day, good books, good food, and dozens of other things. There is much to be grateful for if one will pause and look for it. Thank you for reminding us to do that.
Your thoughts replenish me as well.
Thank you, Fred.
I can feel and am blessed by your "inner well of stillness" that you draw from.
I also feel it in the excellent stories you write in your substack.
You exude contentment with the life you live.
The gratitude you feel for all your precious sources of life
that fill your inner well shines in your words.
I’m grateful for having the opportunity for being grateful!
Stanley, your succinct wisdom always makes me smile.
Actually, I am laughing with delight.
You again say it all--this time in 9 words.
Yes, indeed.
Being alive,
we have the glorious "opportunity for being grateful!"
I'm grateful for my wife, whom I met in 1968 and married in 2013, after not seeing her for 45 yrs. I'm grateful for her 2 daughters that treat me as if I was their father. I'm grateful to be living in a counthe try where no one cares what my origins are and I can walk around without being shot at or attacked. Te list seems endless.
Herr,
How incredible and wonderful that you and your wife-to-be
found each other anew after 45 years and got married,
and that her daughters became yours and embraced you as their father!
What a great love story!
And now to live where you can enjoy every day in freedom.
I am happy for you!