Great piece, Deborah. For me it is Grieve. It takes me a much longer time than necessary to show compassion to myself. I may have moved on but will still be hard on myself for making a bad judgement call.
Numbers 5, 6 and 7 resonated with me. I don't believe that we exist as if we are floating on some flat lined sense of what is normal. There are ups and downs all day long. Failure and successes all happening simultaneously.
Decades ago, a self help guru gave me "permission" (inspired me) to forgive myself for mistakes and failures. I had/have plenty. Whew!
We are constantly either falling into disrepair or patching ourselves up - our happiness is being challenged every day. I choose to be my biggest advocate while tempering the hubris that sometimes accompanies "being right".
One of my favorite phrases is "JMO, I could be wrong. It happens all the time."
I thought about this post, post reading it and for me, there is the thing where I made a choice, and if I look hard enough, the choice brought the hard road, but knowing that is a big step when defeat hits. Also, my friend Wanda who always said, there is a next step. Most of the defeats were steps, blindsided me and hurt. What I mean is that they are also a road with a different choice and put you in a new place.
Thanks Deborah. Your strategy for dealing with defeat is detailed, straightforward and, most important, it works. The hardest part for me is forgiving myself, but the more practice I get, the better I become at it and I've gotten a lot of practice.
I have come to embrace the concept that failure and defeat are necessary parts of life, of growth, of lifelong learning. Moving on may be a challenge, but B cannot happen before A.
So I don't mind losing or being wrong any more. At my advancing age, I've learned to "choose my regrets." And there aren't very many remaining.
The most difficult part for me is recognizing that I've been defeated and to not go on as if nothing happened or that none of it was my fault. The one thing stronger than guilt is denial. "it should have been me with that real fine chick, it should have me driving that Cadillac." Ray Charles.
4 and 5 are the hardest for me. Also, it has taken me a long time to realize that some things just happen. You may not have done anything wrong but something comes zooming in out of left field and kicks you in the cojones. You didn't do or fail to do anything, but there it is. All the planning and effort didn't stop it. Those are the hardest defeats.
Great piece, Deborah. For me it is Grieve. It takes me a much longer time than necessary to show compassion to myself. I may have moved on but will still be hard on myself for making a bad judgement call.
Numbers 5, 6 and 7 resonated with me. I don't believe that we exist as if we are floating on some flat lined sense of what is normal. There are ups and downs all day long. Failure and successes all happening simultaneously.
Decades ago, a self help guru gave me "permission" (inspired me) to forgive myself for mistakes and failures. I had/have plenty. Whew!
We are constantly either falling into disrepair or patching ourselves up - our happiness is being challenged every day. I choose to be my biggest advocate while tempering the hubris that sometimes accompanies "being right".
One of my favorite phrases is "JMO, I could be wrong. It happens all the time."
(A comedian would add: "Just ask my wife.")
Thanks for another fine "solution"!
I thought about this post, post reading it and for me, there is the thing where I made a choice, and if I look hard enough, the choice brought the hard road, but knowing that is a big step when defeat hits. Also, my friend Wanda who always said, there is a next step. Most of the defeats were steps, blindsided me and hurt. What I mean is that they are also a road with a different choice and put you in a new place.
Thanks Deborah. Your strategy for dealing with defeat is detailed, straightforward and, most important, it works. The hardest part for me is forgiving myself, but the more practice I get, the better I become at it and I've gotten a lot of practice.
I have come to embrace the concept that failure and defeat are necessary parts of life, of growth, of lifelong learning. Moving on may be a challenge, but B cannot happen before A.
So I don't mind losing or being wrong any more. At my advancing age, I've learned to "choose my regrets." And there aren't very many remaining.
"Amor Fati."
The most difficult part for me is recognizing that I've been defeated and to not go on as if nothing happened or that none of it was my fault. The one thing stronger than guilt is denial. "it should have been me with that real fine chick, it should have me driving that Cadillac." Ray Charles.
4 and 5 are the hardest for me. Also, it has taken me a long time to realize that some things just happen. You may not have done anything wrong but something comes zooming in out of left field and kicks you in the cojones. You didn't do or fail to do anything, but there it is. All the planning and effort didn't stop it. Those are the hardest defeats.