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Fred Basset's avatar

Every week you put a piece of your soul out here for us. It is a good soul. I recently watched Soulmate help someone close to her walk that last mile. He went out with class and dignity, holding onto the best parts of himself with the help of those close to him. I don't hold hard feelings for those who avoid the dying, it's just the old money brain doing what it was wired to do. It makes you appreciate those who can be close at the end.

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Bill Alstrom (MA/Maine/MA)'s avatar

Where is the "Love" button on substack? Dr Hall, this letter gets right to the essence of living fully until not.

Terrific advice.

Fortunately I don't need to make a list. My wife and I have a deal, an understanding.

Sometimes I joke that we should do a "Thelma and Louise". But that would probably be very unfair to her. Statistically, I will leave first.

But isn't life full of surprises?

She recently had her annual cancer screening - "all clear!" - again. 15 years after the diagnosis and treatments.

Is there a word more powerful than "grateful"?

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William Weaver's avatar

Thank you for sharing this, Dr. Deborah. When I had cancer, my wife at the time became extremely agitated with me, and we split after just a couple of months of my starting chemo.

I learned from that situation, just like you beautifully stated, that it's important to find the people who will be by your side during times like that. And to examine my character and consider whether I am a person who can be compassionate and selfless.

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Stephany Gormley's avatar

My apologies, I sometimes make long comments. I have decades-long dear friends who, if I became ill, live too far away now to be with me for more than occasional visits. I have geographically closer friends, too, but not like my friends who don't live nearby anymore. I don't think making a list of the friends who you think would stand by you is an exercise I would do. I'm not much for categorizing or measuring friends or relatives in that way.

These verses from Jackson Browne's song "For a Dancer" are about where I'm at in these things:

>Just do the steps that you've been shown

By everyone you've ever known

Until the dance becomes your very own

No matter how close to yours

Another's steps have grown

In the end, there is one dance you'll do alone

>Keep a fire for the human race

Let your prayers go drifting into space

You never know what will be coming down

>Perhaps a better world is drawing near

Just as easily it could all disappear

Along with whatever meaning you might have found

Don't let the uncertainty turn you around (the world keeps turning around and around)

Go on and make a joyful sound

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Mark McInerney's avatar

Beautiful. Lots to think about here.

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Dave Conant - MO's avatar

Thank you Deborah. Serious thoughts to take into a weekend, but essential nonetheless. God will be with me until the end of this life and eternally thereafter. The rest I will have to think about.

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Susan OBrien's avatar

FANTASTIC!!! Deeply thoughtful and useful. Thank you for creating and sharing this action plan.

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Manuel A Garcia's avatar

A well-grounded post.

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Stanley Wotring's avatar

Ha ha, you have no idea how the timing of this idea how to this advice fits into my life now. I won’t go into details here but will give more details privately.

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Bella Smith ⭐'s avatar

Real friend who you can count on is rare

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